So numerous have been the comments I have read in print, and received in MS., as to different articles of those Sketches, that a rejoinder to one half of them would be more than food for a tolerable quarto, and of course my notices must be very limited.

The letter which I received, marked private, by post from London, under the signature Z. Y., though long in my possession, I had no clue to answer, or any à-propos opportunity of noticing; and I regret that the limits of a Preface do not even now admit me to go much further than to advert to the subject of it. That subject, could I here dilate on it, would afford myself a very agreeable field for general as well as individual comment; and indeed, not being devoid of a popular interest, it deserves a distinct, and not limited consideration: such (I intend) it shall receive hereafter on a different occasion. At present I only wish the persons therein alluded to, and particularly the one who, Z. Y. insinuates, “has felt no pleasure at my observations,” to be assured that I should consider myself much to blame, had I intended to draw any invidious comparisons, or lean either by irony, ridicule, or satire, on either of two persons so justly and highly estimated by the public, for whom I feel the sentiments of private friendship, and whom I have known before they could either know or forget themselves.

One observation, however, I may venture, and (though singular) I have very generally found it a true one, namely, that the best writers are the most thin-skinned, and become jealous of comment, pari passu with the march of their celebrity. Even when their literary reputation has been popularly established beyond the power of “reviewing” injury, they feel more ticklish at criticism than scribblers in the fifth degree of comparison; and, as if they were afflicted with the disease called “noli me tangere,” they consider even the approach of a quill as injurious to their tranquillity. Such species of impression on either a party or a partizan has no doubt procured me the honour of the letter I have alluded to;—it is palpably the work of no ordinary penman. I regret that I must persist in my opinion both as to the lady and gentleman, and cannot relinquish my consistency as to the principle of distinction between genius and talent, though with modification, and perhaps according to my more minute view of these modern rarities.

I never found these gifts of intellect completely amalgamated in any one modern writer either in prose or poetry. Heavens and earth—flights of fancy, and matters of fact, savans and rainbows, angels, and ladies of quality, &c. &c. &c. afford very different touchstones whereby to assay the extent of human intellect.

The personages that Z. Y. has alluded to may rest assured that not a friend of theirs, either old or new, has a greater pride in their compatriotship than the composer of this terrestrial bagatelle; the one works in prose, and dresses in poetry, the other makes Irish petticoats with foreign flounces to them. Both are good artists—yet I confess myself so very worldly and unrefined a being that I should, under the circumstances of Ireland, prefer one sound, unexaggerated, unagitating true matter-of-fact essay on the real condition of my countrymen. The most lovely subjects of madrigal and sonnet, after a curt exhibition of their charms, wax old and ugly, and in some time enjoy little more than a florid epitaph. Time with his extinguisher soon puts out all flames of an amatory description, and reduces both the poet and his muse—the first (if he lives) to a state of dotage, the other to the enjoyment of some “newer lover.” But the love of a country blooms for ever: it defies the power of time and the lapse of ages; and I should like to see the produce of some proud and emulative talent or genius, to decide which is best adapted to descant upon that subject. Two attempts on that matter I have seen; the one has lost reputation by danger—diving too deep; the other gained none by being too superficial. Of all themes, absenteeism, if handled strongly, would give great credit, if its writer would take a fair, clear, and comprehensive view of that existing cause of national misfortune.

CONTENTS

OF

THE THIRD VOLUME.

PERPLEXITIES OF A BARONET.
The Author apologises for ending, instead of commencing, his former volumes, with an inquiry into his pedigree—How to improve a family name—The cognomen of Alderman Sir W. Stammer—Vowel versus Consonant—The lady of “masculine understanding”—The Alderman’s conditions on altering his surname—Unsuspected presidency of King James at the Dublin municipal meetings—Ulster king-at-arms—George the Fourth’s visit to Dublin—Various heraldic bearings[1]
DANGERS OF REFLECTION.
Personal description of Counsellor Conaghty—Singular contrast of physical roughness and mental suavity—A legal costume—The Counsellor’s marriage—The bride described—Her plan for inducing her husband to sacrifice to the Graces—The fatal mirror—The Counsellor views himself in a new light—His consternation and false persuasion—The devil unjustly accused—Conaghty’s illness and death[22]
FORMER STATE OF MEDICINE IN IRELAND.
Remarks on Sir Charles Morgan’s account of the Former State of Medicine in Italy—The author’s studies in the Anatomical Theatre of Dublin University—Dr. Burdet—Former importance of farriers and colloughs—Jug Coyle, and her powers of soliloquy—Larry Butler, the family farrier, described—Luminous and veritable account of the ancient colloughs—The faculty of the present day—Huynhymns and Yahoos—Hydrophobia in Ireland, and its method of cure[30]
KILLING WITH KINDNESS.
Illustration of the Irish horror of hydrophobia—Thomas Palmer, of Rushhall, Esquire, magistrate and land-agent, &c.—A substantial bill of fare—Dan Dempsey, of the Pike, is bitten by a mad dog—Application to the magistrate for legal permission to relieve him of his sufferings—Mode of relief proposed—Swearing scholars—Permission obtained—Dan regularly smothered, by way both of cure and preventive—Fate of Mr. Palmer himself—Allen Kelly, of Portarlington—“New Way to Pay Old Debts”[42]
SKINNING A BLACK CHILD.
Lieutenant Palmer and his black servant—The Lieutenant’s sister marries Mr. George Washington, a “blood relation” of the American president—This lady presents her husband with a son and heir—Awkward circumstance connected with the birth of the infant—Curious and learned dissertation respecting “fancy-marks,” &c.—A casus omissus—Speculations and consultations—Doctor Bathron, surgeon and grocer—His suggestion respecting little Washington—Doctor Knaggs called in—Operation begun—Its ill success—“Black and all Black”—The operator’s dismay and despair—Final catastrophe of Master Washington[51]
THE FARRIER AND WHIPPER-IN.
Tom White, the whipper-in of Blandsfort—An unlucky leap—Its consequences—Tom given over by the Faculty—Handed to the farrier—Larry Butler’s preparations—New way to stand fast—The actual cautery—Ingredients of a “charge”—Tom cured intirely[67]
THE RIVAL PRACTITIONERS.
Dr. Fletcher, Dr. Mulhall, and the Author’s father—Interesting particulars of a medical consultation—Family recollections—Counsellor, afterward Judge Fletcher—First meeting between him and the Author—Catching a Tartar—Sam Doxy of the Derrys—Breaks his neck in riding to a Turnpike-Board dinner—Pronounced dead by Mr. Knaggs, the apothecary—That eminent practitioner’s judgment disputed by Lieut. Jerry Palmer—The apothecary proceeds to show that the patient must, or at least ought to be, dead—An incision, and its consequences—Lieut. Palmer’s successful mode of treatment—Recovery of the corpse[76]
TRANSFUSION OF BLOOD.
The Irish on the continent—Slow travelling of remittances—Inconveniences thereof—Sir John Burke, of Glinsk—Reasonable points of curiosity—Prompt satisfaction—Messieurs les Créanciers—Sir John’s health declines—Given over by the faculty generally—Dr. T——’s perseverance—Its success—A game at cross purposes—Custodiums in Ireland—New mode of liquidating a debt—Galway gore—Receipt for ennobling the bourgeois of Paris—Sir John Burke’s marriage and visit to Rome—His return—Lady Burke—Glinsk Castle[91]
SWEARING NO VICE.
English slang contrasted with Irish imprecation—The chase of St. Chrysostom, and his rescue—Meet garnish for a Hibernian anecdote—Futile attempts at imitation by English dramatists, &c.—Remarks of a puritan on the author and his book—A caution, and a shrewd way of observing it—Michael Heney, steward of the author’s father—His notions concerning swearing—Curious dialogue between him and the author—New mode of teaching children filial respect[112]
A BARRISTER BESIEGED.
Dinner-party at the Rev. Mr. Thomas’s—The author among the guests, in company with John Philpot Curran—General punctuality of the latter at dinner-time—His mysterious non-appearance—Speculations and reports—Diver, from Newfoundland—His simultaneous absence—The house searched—Discovery of a ghost, and its metamorphosis into Curran—A curious blockade—Its relief, and accompanying circumstances—Comments of the author[121]
GEORGE ROBERT FITZGERALD.
George Robert Fitzgerald and Mr. Richard Martin, M.P. for Galway—The “Prime Sergeant,” Lord Altamont’s wolf-dog—Shot by Fitzgerald—The circumstance resented by Mr. Martin—The latter insulted by his antagonist in the Dublin Theatre—Mission of Mr. Lyster to George Robert, and its disastrous consequences—A legal inquiry and strange decision—Meeting between the principals—Fitzgerald receives two shots without injury—Explanation of that enigma[133]
RECRUITING AT CASTLEBAR.
Further particulars respecting George Robert Fitzgerald—His band of myrmidons—Proposal made to the Author—He accedes to it, and commences the “recruiting service”—Hospitality at an Irish inn—Practical joking—The Author’s success in enlisting George Robert’s outlaws—Sergeant Hearn and Corporal O’Mealy—Fair day at Castlebar—A speech, succeeded by “beating orders”—Mutiny among the new levies—The utility of hanks of yarn—An inglorious retreat, and renunciation, by the Author, of the honours of a military life[148]
A NIGHT JOURNEY.
Mr. Fitzgerald’s agent and attorney—Capriciousness of courage—Jack tar, his intrepidity—New lights—Sailors and saints—Description of Mr. T—— —His temerity in court and timorousness out of it—Regularly retained by Fitzgerald—Starts with him on a journey to Turlow—Travelling companions—The eloquent snore—Mr. T——’s apprehensions—A daylight discovery—Double escape of the solicitor—His return to Dublin—Mr. Brecknock, his successor—Fate of that individual—The “murderer murdered”[165]
MARTIAL LAW.
Law in Ireland half a century ago—Its delay remedied, but not its uncertainty—Principal and Interest—Eustace Stowell and Richard Martin—Valuable precedents—A bloodless duel—High sheriffs and their Subs—Irish method of serving a writ—Cases of warranty—Messrs. Reddy Long and Charley White—The latter guarantees an unsound horse to the Author—Zeal of a second—Mr. Reddy Long’s valuable legacy to Sir Jonah Barrington[181]
BULLETIN EXTRAORDINARY.
The Author and Counsellor Moore laid by the heels at Rock House—Dismal apprehensions—A recipe and recovery—The races of Castlebar—The Author forms a party to visit the spot—Members of the party described—Sergeant Butler and the doctor—Differences of opinion—The sergeant’s bulletin of the famous battle of Castlebar[196]
BREAKFASTS AT BALLINROBE.
Election for County Mayo—Author and Counsellor Moore at Ballinrobe—Mr. Dan Martin’s “little paved parlour”—Preparations for a festive breakfast—A formidable incursion—Counsellor Moore laid prostrate—Advance of the foe—The two barristers take up an elevated position—Disappearance of the various eatables—General alarm—Dislodgment of the enemy—Mr. Dan Martin’s comments upon the “affair”—Secrets worth Knowing—All’s Well that Ends Well[210]
NEW MODE OF SERVING A PROCESS.
The Author at Rock House—Galway election—Searching for voters—Mr. Ned Bodkin—Interesting conversation between him and the Author—Process-serving at Connemara—Burke, the bailiff—His hard treatment—Irish method of discussing a chancery bill—Ned Bodkin’s “Lament”—False oaths, and their disastrous consequences—Country magistrates in Ireland[223]
DONNYBROOK FAIR.
Donnybrook contrasted with St. Bartholomew’s—Characteristics of the company resorting to each fair—Site upon which the former is held—Description and materials of a Donnybrook tent—Various humours of the scene—The horse fair—Visit of the Author and Counsellor Byrne in 1790—Barter and exchange—The “gentle Coadjutor”—The “master cobbler”—A head in chancery—Disastrous mishap of Counsellor Byrne—Sympathy therewith of the Author and his steed—The cobbler and his companion—An extrication—Unexpected intruders—Counsellor Byrne and his doctor—A glance at the country fairs of Ireland—Sir Hercules Langreish and Mr. Dundas—Dysart fair—The fighting factions—Various receipts for picking a quarrel—Recent civilization of the lower classes of Emeralders[230]
THE WALKING GALLOWS.
Brief reflections on the Irish Revolution of 1798—Mutual atrocities of the Royalists and Rebels—Irish humour buoyant to the last—O’Connor, the schoolmaster of County Kildare—“’Tis well it’s no worse”—The Barristers’ corps—Its commander, Lieutenant H—— —His zeal for loyalty, and its probable origin—Indemnities unjustly obtained for cruelty against the insurgents—Lieutenant H——’s mode of executing a rebel—His sobriquet, and its well-earned application[260]
CONVERSION AND INVERSION.
Rebel pranks—Caprice of the insurgents—Puns and piking—Archdeacon Elgy—His capture by the rebels—Captain Murphy’s harangue and argument—Proposal made to the Archdeacon—An “Orange parson” converted into a “green priest”—Father Cahill and Father Pat Elgy—Another exploit of Captain Murphy—Parson Owen of Wexford—His concealment in a grocer’s cockloft—Discovered by the wattle boys—Dragged to a window and hung therefrom, by his heels, over a number of pikes—His delirium, and escape through Captain Murphy’s humanity—Parson Owen’s superinduced squint, and consequent nuptials—His lady left a widow—Instance of the fatal effects of unpleasant and unexpected news[272]
REBEL PORTRAITS.
Tendency of the imagination to embody character—Its frequent errors—Exemplified in the personal traits of several of the rebel chiefs of Ireland—The Bretons of La Vendée—Intrepidity of their leaders—The battle of Ross—Gallantry of a boy twelve years old—Beauchamp Bagenal Harvey—Description of his person and character—His habit of joking—Dangerous puns—His bewilderment as rebel generalissimo—His capture, and behaviour at execution—Portrait, physical and mental, of Captain Keogh—Remarkable suicide of his brother, and his own execution—Mr. Grogan, of Johnstown Castle, described—His case, sentence, and execution—Unmerited fate of Sir Edward Crosby, Bart.[288]
REMINISCENCES OF WIT.
Wit distinguished from ribaldry—Chief Baron Yelverton and Mr. Curran—Chief Justice Clonmell—Lord Norbury’s comprehensive powers—Sir Hercules Langreish, and his digressions in claret-drinking—Gervoise Parker Bushe, Chief Baron Burgh, &c.—Peculiar traits of Irish convivial society in the author’s day—Jeremiah Keller—Lord Clare’s funeral—A scanty fee—The Pope and Pretender—Counsellor Norcott’s talent of mimickry—Ballinlaw ferry—Cæsar Colclough, of Duffry Hall, and Julius Cæsar[303]
COUNSELLOR LYSIGHT.
Edward Lysight, Esq., barrister-at-law—His peculiar talents—A song of his contrasted with one of Moore’s on the same subject—Ounagh and Mary—Pastoral poetry—“The Devil in the Lantern”—A love story—“We’re a’ noddin”—Sketch of Mr. Solomon Salmon and his daughter—Mr. Lysight’s nuptials with the latter—Sociality at Somers’ Town—A morning call—“All is not gold that glitters”—Death of the counsellor and his lady[316]
FATALITIES OF MARRIAGE.
Speculations of the Author on free-agency and predestination—A novel theory—The matrimonial ladder—Advice to young lovers—A ball in Dublin—Unexpected arrival of Lord G—His doom expressed—Marries the Author’s niece—Remarks on his lordship’s character[329]
A WEDDING IN OLDEN DAYS.
Changes in the nuptial ceremony in Ireland—Description of the ancient formula—Throwing the stocking—A lucky hit—Reverse of the picture—Modern marriages—Coming of age—Nuptials of the author’s eldest brother—Personal description of the bride and bridegroom—Various preparations—Dresses of the different members of the wedding-party—The coach of ceremony—The travelling chaise—A turnpike dispute—Convenient temporary metamorphosis of the author and two of his brothers—Circumstances preceding the marriage in question—A desperate lover—Disasters and blunders—A “scene”—Major Tennyson Edwards—Marries a sister of the author—His fortunate escape from a ludicrous catastrophe[337]
THE LAST OF THE GERALDINES.
Principles of domestic government discussed—How to rule a husband—Elizabeth Fitzgerald, of Moret Castle—Brings her son to see his father hanged by the Cahills—Enjoins him to revenge the outrage—Peculiar methods of impressing the injunction on the boy’s memory—He grows to manhood—Mysterious disappearance of four of the Cahills—Mr. Jemmy Corcoran—Way of identifying a skeleton—Father Doran, and his spiritual theory—Squire Stephen Fitzgerald the son, and Squire Stephen Fitzgerald the grandson, of Elizabeth—Education, marriage, and personal description of the latter—The several members of his family described—Tom, the heir-apparent—A short life and a merry one—Jack, his successor—Moret Castle in its modern state—Miss Dolly Fitzgerald, and her sister Fanny—their respective merits—Matrimonial speculations—Curious family discussion as to the attractions of hung meat, &c.[366]
HANGING AN ATTORNEY BY ACCIDENT.
The attorneys’ corps of yeomanry, and their strange appellation—Eccentric loyalty in Dublin—The Fogies—Sir John Ferns, and his anti-rebel resolve—Aide-de-Camp Potterton and the other members of Sir John’s chivalrous party—Tragi-comic incidents attending their martial progress—Admixture of discretion with bravery—Discovery of a suspicious lurker, and zealous anxiety for his immediate execution—Process of suspension—Attorney Walker’s accidental participation in the captive’s lot—Respective demeanor of the two sufferers—Appearance of the enemy in sight—The attorney relieved from his situation—Conclusion of the day’s adventures[395]
FLOGGING THE WINE-COOPERS.
Account of the flagellation undergone by the two coopers—Their application to the author for redress—Tit for tat, or giving back the compliment—Major Connor, and his disinclination for attorneys—His brother, Arthur Connor[418]
THE ENNISCORTHY BOAR.
Incidents attending the first assault of Wexford by the rebels, in 1798—Excesses mutually committed by them and the royalists—Father Roche—Captain Hay, and his gallant rescue of two ladies—Mr. O’Connell in by-gone days—Painful but ludicrous scenes after the conflict at Wexford—Swinish indignity offered to a clergyman—A pig of rapid growth—Extraordinary destination of the animal—Its arrival and special exhibition in London—Remarks on London curiosities—Remarkable success of the Enniscorthy boar—Unhappy disclosure of the animal’s previous enormities—Reaction on the public mind—His Majesty’s comments on the affair—Death of the swinish offender, in anticipation of a projected rescue by the London Irish[422]