"I am convinced by a late paper of yours,[78] that a passionate woman (which among the common people goes under the name of a scold) is one of the most insupportable creatures in the world. But alas! sir, what can we do? I have made a thousand vows and resolutions every morning to guard myself against this frailty, but have generally broken them before dinner, and could never in my life hold out till the second course was set upon the table. What most troubles me is, that my husband is as patient and good-natured as your own Worship, or any man living can be. Pray give me some directions, for I would observe the strictest and severest rules you can think of to cure myself of this distemper, which is apt to fall into my tongue every moment. I am,
"Sir,
"Your most humble Servant, &c."
In answer to this most unfortunate lady, I must acquaint her, that there is now in town an ingenious physician of my acquaintance, who undertakes to cure all the vices and defects of the mind by inward medicines, or outward applications. I shall give the world an account of his patients and his cures in other papers, when I shall be more at leisure to treat upon this subject. I shall only here inform my correspondent, that for the benefit of such ladies that are troubled with virulent tongues, he has prepared a cold bath, over which there is fastened, at the end of a long pole, a very convenient chair, curiously gilt and carved. When the patient is seated in this chair, the doctor lifts up the pole, and gives her two or three total immersions in the cold bath, till such time as she has quite lost the use of speech. This operation so effectually chills the tongue, and refrigerates the blood, that a woman, who at her entrance into the chair is extremely passionate and sonorous, will come out as silent and gentle as a lamb. The doctor told me, he would not practise this experiment upon women of fashion, had not he seen it made upon those of meaner condition with very good effect.
FOOTNOTES:
[75] This paper has been attributed to Addison, though not included in his works, because it is a sequel to No. 216, and because of the corrections in the following number of the folio issue. These corrections consist of "immersions" for "emersions," and instructions to omit "immediately" in a passage where the word occurred twice in a short space. Steele was not in the habit of noticing these small points.
[76] See No. 216.
[77] A bargain. Dryden (translation of Juvenal) wrote, "He had no mighty pennyworth of his prayer."
[78] No. 217