OBSERVATOR. If I were the Master of a Territory, I would as soon Trust so many Spirits in my Pulpits, to Blow a Pestilence thorough my Dominions, as so many of our Non-Conforming Divines; and reckon my People much Safer too, under the Danger of a Plague, then under the Consequences of a Schism: For the One Taints but the Bodies of Men; the Other Destroys their very Souls; the One takes them Promiscuously, the Good, and the Bad, One with Another: But the 'Tother Marks, and Singles-out the Best Men for Ruine, with a Privilege of Exemption, to those that neither fear God, nor Man. The One Sweeps away a Number of Single Persons; the Other Tears to pieces the Sinews of a Community. The One does, in some Degree, Conduce to the Purging of a Wicked Nation, when the Wrath of Heaven is Appeas'd by the Discharge of some Dreadfull Judgment upon't; (as the Air is Clear'd by Thunder) The Other does All that is Possible to the Filling-up of the Measure of a Publique Iniquity; and the making of a Land Ripe for Vengeance.
TRIMMER. Prethee what Danger? Or what needs this Lashing, when they are All Tongue-Ty'd; and Driven into Holes, and Hiding-Places, to keep out of the way of Messengers, and Constables, and out of the Clutches of the Corporation-Act, and Other Penal Laws against their Private Meetings?
Obs. What dost thou Talk of Tongue-Ty'd? Why I will undertake it; (and in Serious Good Earnest too) Gagg the Whole Set of'em; Give Every man his Pulpit, or his Chair, and only a Bare Standing in't; and if they do not Wink, and Nod, and Cuff any Prince in Christendom out of his Dominions, without a Word Speaking, I'le be thy Bond-slave. Why they do not do their Bus'ness, man, by the Force of Logique, Grammar, or by the Dint of Theology: But by Groans, Pangs, Tragical Ululations, Silent Interjections, Whining Apostrophes, Melting Epiphonemas; and in a word; by the Helps of Natural Rhetorick, without Need, of either Sense, or Syllables.
Trim. They Preach, and Pray, without Speaking then.
Obs. No No. They do Talk for Fashion-sake: But Observe it while you will; They move the Passions of their Auditory, in the Belfry, or the Church-Porch, Forty times more then Directly under the Pulpit: For the Emphasis of an Action; a Motion, Tone, or Countenance, makes a much Deeper Impression, than that of a Naked, Empty, Sound: And for My Part, I fancy, it might do as well for 'em to Whistle their Preachments as to Articulate them: For the Masterpiece, or the All in All of it, lies Mainly, in Hitting the Tune.
Trim. D'ye call this Reasoning, or Ridiculing?
Obs. 'Tis Both in One: For it is the Ridiculous Truth, and the Just Reason, Method, and State of the Matter: And when People are once Juggled Out of their Wits, they must be Fool'd Into 'em again. Now there needs no more to the doing of That Work, then the bare Drawing of the Curtain, and letting People into the Tyring-Room. For the Cause, is all over, Theatrical: The Actors are Hypocrites, in their Manners, as well as in the Etymon; and the whole Manage, fitter for a Stage, then a Pulpit. So that the most Certain Way in Nature, for the making of the Practice, Odious; and the Disabusing of the Undiscerning Multitude, is to lay Open their False Colours, Shapes, & Disguises; and Expose Every thing in its Naked Simplicity to the Light.
Trim. And what if a man should Allow This sort of People now, to be the most Uncouth, Hideous Monsters of the Creation? To have the Teeth, the Nails, the Fierceness, the Strength, & the Appetite of the most Ravenous of Wild Beasts? This Discourse, of Caution, and Description, might do well enough in the Countrys of Lyons, and Tygers: But what's All This, to his Majesties Dominions, where there are either None of These Creatures, at all, or No Other, at least, then such as have their Nails Par'd, and their Chops Muzzled: And no more Danger of them, at present, then of our Beeves, and Muttons.
Obs. Dost not thou know that there are Several Sorts, & Degrees of Danger? A man may be Wheedled into a Precipice, as well as Thrown into't: A man may be Hugg'd or Suck'd to Death, without any Biting, or Scratching in the Case: A man may be Poyson'd in his Porridge, as well as Strangl'd in his Bed: A man may have False Opinions Impos'd upon him by a Fallacy, or Fraud in Argument, as well as Extorted from him, by the Force of Menace, and Torment. And his Bus'ness, at last, is done, as Dead, One way as T'other: And so for the Degrees of Danger; There's Danger at Hand; there's Danger at a Distance; Danger in Design, and Danger in Practice; And Danger, in fine, through All the Preparatory, and Mediate Tendencies to Mischief, to the Last Effect that Pushes it self forth to Execution.
Trim. Very Good! And what are All These Sorts, and Degrees of Danger to the Instances we have now Before us?