Dedicated to the Godly
Puck, wandering on the banks of Nile,
Beheld one day a Crocodile,
That with heart-wringing sighs and sobs,
With groans and cries and throes and throbs,
Made moan, until his rushing tears
Ran down the wrinkles of the sand.
‘What ails thee, Monster?’ made demand
The Sprite, ‘and why these million tears?’
‘I weep, I shriek,’ the other cries,
‘To see the World’s iniquities.’
‘And I with you,’ the Elf replies.
‘The World,’ resumed the Crocodile,
‘Is full of Cruelty and Guile.’
‘Except for you,’ Puck said, ‘it’s vile.’
‘Honour and Chivalry are dead;
The Soul of Pity vanished.’
‘Save in yourself, Sir,’ Robin said.
‘How are the Righteous much abhor’d,
And silent still the Godly Word!’
‘Not while you live,’ the Sprite aver’d.
‘My friend, I thank you,’ said the Beast;
‘I think you sympathise at least.
The world is evil—pray beware—
How fat you are, I do declare!
God grant us all some day remission—
I vow you’re in a fine condition.
I think that all—I must say that
For a fairy you are very fat.
What unctuous food—excuse me, friend—
You fays must find in fairy land.
As I was saying, all is not—
Fie, what a toothache I have got!
See here, this molar. Pray look nearer,
And you shall see the bad place clearer.
Nay if you could but just creep in
And say which tooth the mischief’s in—’
‘No thank you, friend,’ our Puck replied;
‘I’ll keep upon the outer side.
With many large soul’d folk I’ve met
I’ve found the stomach’s larger yet;
And when the Righteous talk of Sin
Look to your pockets or your skin.’
[The Virtuous Goat]
Dedicated to Teachers
Upon a mountain lived of old
(So says the Saga that is wise)
An ancient Goat of portly size,
Well known for virtues manifold,
Who once to take the evening air
Reposed upon a meadow there,
With Wife and Children in a row;
And thus endeavour’d to bestow
On them (and all of us) advice
To make our conduct more precise
And lead at last to paradise.
‘My dears be Good. All else forgot
Yours shall be still a happy lot.
Enough the Rule. Do not enquire
The How and Why of things—or higher.
Be Virtuous, and neglect the Schools;
For Wisdom was but made for fools.
Scorn still the shallow Mind that pries
In science, art, philosophies;
Essays the future to forecast,
Forsooth, by study of the past;
Maintains the laws should be (what treason!)
Compounded by the use of reason;
And will advise e’en men of note
To govern well by thinking o’t;
Avers when honest people chatter
That he knows best who knows the matter;
And even go so far as state
Goats can by thinking mend their fate.
So hold this saw before your eyes,
Be Good and let who will be wise.’
Alas, with his own virtue blind,
He fail’d to mark the Wolf behind;
Who, as he seized and bore him off,
Distress’d him with this bitter scoff—
‘With your high views I sympathise;
But better also to be Wise.’