Meanwhile, I felt nowise daunted by late events, but rather filled with fresh zeal; for although I never willingly entered into a conflict, yet when one was forced upon me, or stood between me and what I deemed right, I was by no means backward at the work.
One of my earliest moves after leaving office was towards personal and domestic economy. While I was in receipt of a large salary, and had my attention fully occupied, and indeed my powers heavily taxed, I had allowed my expenditure to obtain dimensions unsuitable to my present condition. Of course I intended to seek new occupation, but this would require time; and, meanwhile, I felt that if I would act independently I must make myself independent of circumstances. I therefore entered at once upon a course of vigorous retrenchment, and partly by my efforts, but much more by the zealous and most efficient co-operation of my dear wife, our expenditure was soon brought within very narrow limits. Without any change of house or diminution in number of servants, our disbursements were soon reduced by one-half, and it was only in the first year after the change that my expenditure exceeded my income. I may add that it never had exceeded it before, and that it never exceeded it again.
As the parliamentary session approached, however, I had to turn my attention more and more to the work of preparation for the duty which I expected it to bring. I therefore put my papers in the most perfect order—a proceeding which has greatly facilitated the writing of this part of my narrative.
Sir Thomas Wilde having very kindly undertaken to lay my case before Parliament, I could not but feel some anxiety as to the view that might be taken of this course by Mr. Wallace, who had himself acted as leader in earlier days. I therefore wrote to him on the subject as delicately as I could, and a fortnight afterwards, when he came to town for the parliamentary session, I called upon him with some feeling of anxiety. I quote from my Journal:—
“He behaves nobly, as he always has done, fully acquiescing in the arrangement with regard to Sir Thomas Wilde, and expressing his own readiness to follow Sir Thomas’s lead.”
Meanwhile, however, my attention was called to considerations of a somewhat different character:—
“February 8th.—Met Mr. Stephen, of the Colonial Office, in Piccadilly, and at his request walked with him to the Colonial Office. On the way he urged me to apply to the Government for employment, saying that he felt sure my claim would be acknowledged—intimating that I might expect such an appointment as a Commissionership of Customs. I replied, that such a step would be considered as a tacit engagement on my part not to bring my case before the public; that other friends had recommended a similar course, under the impression that the complimentary expressions in the letters from the Treasury were intended by Government to suggest it, but that, after mature deliberation, I had decided not to do anything which should prevent my making known to the public the true causes of the small amount of revenue actually obtained, as compared with my anticipations, and justifying my conduct throughout. Mr. Stephen rejoined that he did not doubt I might stipulate to do all this, providing that I refrained from attacking the Government, and yet obtain lucrative and honourable employment. To this I said I of course could not object, and he recommended that two of the leading merchants or bankers in the city, of opposite politics, should make the application on my behalf. I promised to consider the suggestion, but requested that he would, in the meantime, read the correspondence, a copy of which I sent him the same afternoon.
“February 11th.—Prepared a memorandum ... called on Mr. Stephen, read it to him, and left it with him; he expressing a desire to reconsider the matter, with a view, perhaps, of making such inquiries of Goulburn, with whom he is intimate, as would enable him to judge of the probable success of such an application as he had suggested. I desired that he would do whatever he thought best, clearly understanding, however, that I was no party to anything of the kind.
“February 15th.—Mr. Stephen writes that he has ascertained that nothing can be done unless I submit to be gagged, and not very much even then; so the whole ends in smoke.