The Sea Dayaks, as I have observed, generally prefer male children; and the more mischievous and boisterous they are when young the greater the delight they afford their parents. The observation, “He is very wicked,” is the greatest praise. They indulge them in everything, and at home give way to their caprices in an extraordinary manner. If the parents are affectionate to their children, the latter warmly return it. Instances have even occurred when, oppressed by sorrow at the reproaches of a father, a child has privately taken poison and destroyed himself.
Like other tribes in the same state of civilization, the Dayaks are fond of oratory; and while the elders are discoursing or delivering long speeches, the young lads look gravely on, never indulging in a laugh, which would be regarded as a serious offence.
The Dayaks are a very sociable people, and love to have their families around them; grandfathers spoil their grandchildren; and during the heavy work of the harvest, the very old ones stay at home surrounded by merry groups of young ones.
Strangers are generally very welcome; and it would be an annoying idea to enter into their heads that they were considered either mean or inhospitable. So the wayfarer is presented on his arrival with the best food in the house. Occasionally it is not very welcome to a European, as it too often consists of fish that emits a very high scent, or eggs of a very ancient date; but there is generally some fruit, or a little clean boiled rice. I was once presented with some preserved durian fruit, which stank so fearfully as to drive my friends completely out of the house. But the greatest luxury that can be presented to a native is always forthcoming, and that is the box of areca nuts, and the other chewing condiments.
Parents and children, brothers and sisters, very seldom quarrel; when they do so, it is from having married into a family with whom afterwards they may have disputes about land. One would imagine that was a subject not likely to create dissensions in a country like Borneo; but there are favourite farming grounds and boundaries are not very settled. It used to be the practice not to have recourse to arms on those occasions, but the two parties collecting their relatives and friends would fight with sticks for the coveted spot. Now, however, their disputes are brought to their chiefs, or the nearest English officer.
Marriage.—Among the Sibuyau Dayaks of Lundu, no ceremony attends a betrothment, but when the consent of the parents of the bride has been obtained, an early day is appointed for the marriage. As a general rule, the husband follows the wife, that is, lives with and works for the parents of the latter. On the wedding day, the bride and bridegroom are brought from opposite ends of the village to the spot where the ceremony is to be performed. They are made to sit on two bars of iron, that blessings as lasting, and health as vigorous, as the metal may attend the pair. A cigar and betel leaf prepared with the areca nut are next put into the hands of the bride and bridegroom. One of the priests then waves two fowls over the heads of the couple, and in a long address to the Supreme Being, calls down blessings upon the pair, and implores that peace and happiness may attend the union. After the heads of the affianced have been knocked against each other three or four times, the bridegroom puts the prepared siri leaf and the cigar into the mouth of the bride, while she does the same to him, whom she thus acknowledges as her husband. The fowls are then killed, and the blood caught in two cups, and from its colour the priest foretells the future happiness or misery of the newly married. The ceremony is closed by a feast, with dancing and noisy music.
It is worthy of remark that the respect paid by a son-in-law to the father of his wife is greater than that paid to his own father. He treats him with much ceremony, must never pronounce his name, nor must he take the liberty of eating off the same plate, or drinking out of the same cup, or even of lying down on the same mat.
Among the Balaus, or Sea Dayaks of Lingga, there is also no ceremony at a betrothment; in fact, Mr. Chambers informs me that the word is not known in their language. Indeed their manners preclude the necessity of any such formal arrangement.
Marriage itself is a very simple affair, and is not accompanied by any long rite. However, as it is different from that practised in Lundu, I will enter into particulars.
Two or three days previous to the ceremony, the mother of the bridegroom usually gives the bride’s relations a plate or a basin. The wedding takes place at the house of the girl, and the rite is called blah pinang, or the splitting of the prepared areca nut. It is divided into three portions, and the mother, after placing them in a little basket, and covering them over with a red cloth, sets them on a raised altar in front of the bride’s house. The respective friends of the families then meet in conclave and enjoy the native luxury of prepared areca nut; and it is now determined what shall be the fine paid in case the husband should separate from his wife after she shall be declared pregnant, or after she has borne a child. This is a very necessary precaution, as I shall have presently to show.