So each went to a professor.
Professor McFlush was the doctor whose portrait accompanied an advertisement regularly in the Sunday papers, and whom the Ossified Man had in mind. He didn't hesitate an instant after an examination of what there was of his patient. "I'll cure you in no time if you follow my directions," he declared. "My Sulphuretted Tablets will knock out the ossification and as for the rest it's all diet."
"What diet?" asked the Ossified Man.
"Hash!" roared the doctor. "Do you drink much?"
"Naw," said the Ossified Man.
"Well, you've got to—hash—hash and porter. Hash is fattening, the potatoes in it does it. Porter is fattening, the malt in it does it. Them and my tablets together will do the business—seventeen tablets a day—dollar a bottle, thirty-four in a bottle. Five tablets before breakfast, and for breakfast hash and two bottles of porter. Dinner the same; supper the same. Anything else you want eat or drink all day long. Last two tablets just before you go to bed. Get your prescriptions filled here. Get your porter over at Johnson's wholesale grocery, I've made an arrangement with him. Ten dollars. Report weekly. Good day."
And the Ossified Man took up his task for Love's sake.
It was to Professor Slocum that the Fat Woman went. Professor Slocum was brisk and small but he had a way with the ladies.
The Fat Woman believed in him implicitly from the moment they met.
"Do you eat much?" was the first query of the Professor.