Nevertheless, not all flowed smoothly. To begin with, there was the secret opposition which I had to face. Both the Second Class and the Third had accepted me readily enough as sovereign in the absence of Thuno Flâtum and never so much as inquired why Thuno remained so long on his vacation; but the First Class, it appeared, had not been trained to an equal degree of thoughtlessness, and hence could not accept me so unquestioningly. Many were the murmurs of complaint that came to my ears; it was muttered that "Luma the Illustrious" was not really "First of the First Class," as he claimed to be; that, indeed, he was not First Class at all, but came of plebian birth. In proof of this blasting accusation, it was pointed out that Luma was too healthy to be First Class; that his limbs were not shrivelled enough and he could actually walk long distances, like any Third Class nobody; that his natural eyesight was good, his ears useful without hearing tubes, and his lungs capable of functioning without artificial aid; while he was neither bald nor toothless, as every "green-blooded" aristocrat should be. In other words, he was a mere undistinguished interloper, without noble lineage or antecedents.
So persistent did such complaints become that I finally resolved on desperate measures, and secretly instituted a drive against the First Class. One by one the worst offenders disappeared from home, to take up their lodgings in some remote cell; and only after detectives had thus disposed of five hundred trouble-makers did the other First Class citizens appear to agree on the wisdom of holding their tongues. Thereafter all who questioned the legitimacy of my rule did so strictly in private; and the First Class was as open as the two other classes in acknowledging me as lord supreme.
Meanwhile I was having other difficulties, due to my zeal to remedy certain evils. While living as Second and Third class citizen, I had observed scores of things which had seemed in need of reform; and I now set about, as energetically as I could, to better the condition of the people. But how obstinately the people objected to any betterment!
For example, there was the matter of the "scootscoots." Having been shocked at the innumerable accidents, which cost hundreds of lives each day and more than once had nearly terminated my own existence, I set about to establish a system of traffic rules. These were really what we of the Overworld would consider simple and reasonable: that all "scootscoots" keep to the right of the road, that green and red lights be installed to guide traffic at intersections, and that no "scootscoot" be permitted to travel faster than two miles a minute. Yet what an uproar was created by these innovations! It was found, indeed, that wherever the new rules were applied, the death-rate fell more than ninety per cent—but what did this mean to the speed-hungry chalk-faces?—nothing—less than nothing!
"Luma interferes with the rights of private property!" cried the affronted people. "He seeks to destroy individual initiative! He attacks our ancient freedom to do as we wish with our own property! If a man owns a 'scootscoot,' why can't he drive it any way he wants? Traffic laws are confiscation!"
Against this uproar it was impossible to make any headway. The new rules were violated almost as a matter of principle; people would risk fine and imprisonment sooner than submit. Bootlegging on the traffic regulations soon became a popular sport; men would openly boast of having offended, and violations became so frequent that, in disgust, I abandoned the law, and the people, with shouts of joy, returned to their old round of injuries and "turnovers."
Equally saddening were my experiences with the new food and clothing laws. Remembering my earlier observations, remembering how the Third Class had often been ragged and hungry and how vast quantities of good food and clothes had been consigned to the furnaces, I decreed that henceforth excess commodities should be distributed to the poor. But alas—what a blunder this was! The outcry over the traffic rules was as nothing compared with the storm of protests that greeted my latest move.
"What! Give the excess to the poor?" howled the First and Second Classes in an indignant chorus. "Encourage shiftlessness and indolence? Reward improvidence and laziness? Overturn that good old economic rule, 'He who has most shall give least?' Did our fathers give to the poor? Did they not burn their excess? Then why depart from their time-honored rule? To change now would be to insult their memories!"
Most vigorous of all, however, were the protests of the National Food Producers and the United Clothing Manufacturers, Unlimited.