I heaved a sigh when we reached Sir Adolf, for his name completed the circle. I don't know whether the others were even trying to give an honest opinion, but I did my best according to my lights. "Good looks"? I really think he would be the first to admit that he is not prepossessing. "Moral character"? I'm not a scandal-monger, I hope, but he has been twice divorced. "Loyalty"? I gave him full marks for that; otherwise I should not have been staying in his house. "Hospitality"? He meant well, but a guest has certain moral claims; I could only give him two for hospitality. "Love of Music"? Five for that, so far as I remember. "Sense of Humour"? Nought! I couldn't give him any marks for humour. "Amiability"? ... But I cannot recall the questions; there were nearly forty of them.
I sighed again when Will collected the papers and added the totals. Then came the reading. My dear, I had been led to suppose that what we had written was all in secret, but I felt that Sir Adolphus was guessing how we had marked him. "Good looks"? He received nothing for that, not a single mark from the fifteen of us who were eating his food and drinking his wine. "Amiability"? About twenty, obviously given him by his wife and the Maitland boy, who was very busy ingratiating himself; or perhaps by one of those ambiguous young women who seemed to be on terms of such extraordinary freedom with him... "Humour"? Four or five. "Honesty"? Not more than fifteen or twenty. It was too terrible! He tried to laugh it off; but, when he got no marks, we were all exposed, and I saw him glaring at one after another. And there was one question—"Personal Charm", I think—when Will read out "Minus ten." ...
I knew it would happen. There always is some kind of unpleasantness when you begin playing with personalities and taking risks with other people's feelings. I don't think I have ever spent a more distressing quarter of an hour. Oh, I was thankful when he said:
"Well, so that's what you all think of me, hein? We-ell, what about a drink, what?"
I felt—we all felt—that he was really taking it in very good part... The men trooped off to a side-table. I made my way to Will in the hope of whispering just a word... He had rather taken the lead in this ridiculous game, and I wished him to be extra sweet to the Erskines for the rest of our visit...
"Well, I call it rather a frost," I heard him say, as I drew near. "I'd back 'Characters' to break up any house-party in England, but everybody's taken it lying down to-night..."
I was distressed, for I really thought we had narrowly escaped some great unpleasantness. And then I found that we had not escaped it after all. Sir Adolphus came up to see that the others were looking after me properly and asked if he might have back the pencil that he had lent me. I surrendered it, he looked at it, pocketed it—and passed on. The others surrendered theirs, he looked at them... Then he came to Will...
"I was just wondering," I heard him say.
"Wondering what?," asked Will.
"Who gave me minus ten for—'Personal Charm', wasn't it? And nought for 'Loyalty', nought for 'Honesty', nought even for 'Hospitality' ... Just wondering."