They had driven half-way to O’Rane’s house in Westminster, when Eric leaned through the window without warning and countermanded the order.
“The club will be better,” he explained. “We may meet my agent, Grierson, and I want to have a word with him. You don’t mind?”
“Not a bit... I think I’d better take charge, Eric. First of all, have a cigarette. I don’t carry them myself, I’m afraid. Then don’t try to talk, if you don’t feel like it; and don’t try to keep up appearances on my account. I’m blind, to begin with; and I know what you’re going through. Give me your hand. That’s right... Sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you; I suppose I’ve rather a powerful grip. Now, you’ve to make the hell of a big effort—”
“I’ve made it,” Eric interrupted unsteadily.
“You’re only at the beginning. I take it you gave her free choice?”
“No, I decided for her. I had a moment of revelation and I jumped at the opportunity. I knew that, if I didn’t take it then, I should go on struggling until I could never take it. I cut my own throat. I lied to her and said that I’d been forbidden even to think of marrying—ever. That letter was to square Gaisford. She’s upset—on my account; but she’ll forget it the first time she sees Gaymer. That brute... And a month ago she was begging me to marry her without waiting, because she was so sure of herself. I’ve taken your advice, Raney, with—interest. I’ve handed her over without a fight. It’s been a—most valuable experience,—something to think about when I’m abroad. I feel there’s a tremendous joke somewhere, only I can’t see it. Shall we telephone to Gaymer and see if he can help us? And she’s crying because I’ve been so good to her, she can’t bear to think I’m ill, I must know she’ll wait till I’m well... You can see the fun of it, can’t you, Raney? The rollicking farce? If I died, she’d die too; a perfect sentiment. We’re just by Buckingham Palace now. I was taking her home from the opera, and Gaymer passed us in a car—on this spot—with another woman. Gaymer, who’s going to make her happy! And she went and bearded him in his own rooms; and he turned her out!... Just on this spot... That was the beginning of everything. She’ll tell you that, when she got home that night, she prayed that she might die....”
The taxi swerved to the kerb and stopped with a jerk. O’Rane relaxed his grip on Eric’s hand and opened the door to let out the dog.
“A big effort!,” he whispered.
The lights of the hall and the hum of conversation in the dining-room steadied Eric, and he discussed the bill of fare with a show of interest, even stirring himself to nod or wave a hand to his friends, as they threaded their way among the tables. Once he remembered that he had done all this before, two nights ere he said good-bye to Barbara Neave and to England. It would have been better, if he had never come back; he never meant to come back, but he had been summoned. It was not his fault; looking back on the past two months, could any one say that he was to blame for anything? Was he to blame for sacrificing himself now? Did it matter what any one did, so long as Providence punished folly and wisdom equally? That was where God came in. Perhaps that was the secret of this incomparable joke which he felt without understanding....
“I know now why Adam and Eve were turned out of the Garden of Eden!,” he exclaimed suddenly.