"Adagio, women don't just lift the lid and spray. There is delicacy in it."
Gabriele hoped to break him of his misconception.
"Well, she doesn't make a trickle. I think she puts TP in there to clog up what she thinks is bad sound because I don't hear nothing and we're always running out of toilet paper."
Gabriele laughed. "Double negatives are for Spanish, dear heart."
Michael said, "My mother would have taken dish soap and washed my mouth out with it if I had said something like that."
"Would have?" Gabriele laughed derisively. "Either she did or didn't. If she didn't clean your mouth you wouldn't know that she was a profanity policewoman ready to strike you with her bottle of Ivory dish soap. Am I right? To say 'Would' you would need to know about her doing it so that's proof of you saying something wrong to provoke her to do that outrageous action. What did you do?"
"All right, Smarty. Once—just once and I learned my lesson; and no, I'm not telling it."
"Scared that Mom might come over with the Ivory soap once again, eh?"
"Maybe."
"Please get that smoking turd out of my face."
"Gabriele, you are going to stop that crudeness right now! Here, give Betty some Betty cake!"