"If I was to burn down the house would you keep me then."
"If you were to burn down the house your butt would be as hot as the house but you would still be my son and no, I wouldn't throw you out of the house because there wouldn't be a house for either of us since you would have burnt it down."
He laughed hysterically. His mother's clever sallies enthralled him. Then he smirked hatefully. "Men don't like you very well."
She smiled widely. "It is a reciprocal thing—goes both ways. I don't care what these self-centered little beasts like or don't like. Three cheers for men not liking me and going their merry ways. Hip hip hurray! Hip hip hurray! Hip hip hurray!"
"I think you are strange. You aren't like other moms at all, you know."
"What are they like?"
"I don't know. When I go over to my friends' parents' houses and stuff they don't say weird shit all the time."
"But weird shit is what it is all about. How can you be interesting without saying weird shit continually. It is impossible."
"Do I have to take care of both of those dogs out there?"
"I don't know. I guess someone will have to. We'll make it a joint chore. We'll share the burden and make the dogs feel loved and happy here. What do you say?"