"Every time you say something, you put yourself or somebody else down."
As this process continues, one or two group members will begin to take an interest in the personal problems of some of the others and express a desire to help. They will ask questions for more information, express sympathy or empathy, and begin to offer suggestions. It is at this point that the process of group interaction begins to acquire a focus on healing and problem solving. Frequently, these expressions of desire to help one member will encourage him or her for the first time to begin to accept the kind of person he or she has been, to realize that "I have been too hard on myself because I'm so damned perfectionistic," "I am a controller; I want other people to do things my way," or "I live in a suit of armor; I'm just afraid of other people."
As members of the group come to know one another as real personalities, they tend to become impatient whenever anyone tries to put on his public mask again. The group demands and expects members to be honest about themselves. Feelings can run hot whenever Fred tries to make Alice accept his suggestions because he knows what she really needs. Group members can show quick impatience with Judy whenever she tries to persuade herself, even though her husband has severely beaten her several times, that her marriage is really OK.
Group members quickly gain a good deal of information about how others see them and feel about them. As a result of an implicit commitment to honesty, some members' ways of behaving gradually change: a rough tone of voice becomes less abrasive and calmer; offensive gestures and judging looks disappear; self-centeredness gives way to a certain amount of sympathy and interest in other people.
Some of the values of group therapy are sensitively expressed in this passage from a letter written by a client to his group:
"I have come to the conclusion that my experiences with you have profoundly affected me. I am truly grateful. This is different from personal therapy. None of you had to care about me. None of you had to seek me out and let me know of things you thought would help me. Yet you did, and as a result it has far more meaning than anything I have so far experienced. When I feel the need to hold back and not live spontaneously for whatever reasons, I remember that twelve persons ... said to let go and ... be myself and of all the unbelievable things they even loved me.... This has given me the courage to come out of myself many times since then...."[[1]]
[[1]] Quoted in Carl R. Rogers, Carl Rogers on Encounter Groups (New York: Harper and Row, 1970), p. 33.
THE RISKS
Unfortunately, like many healing processes, group therapy is not for everyone. There are recognized risks of entering group therapy.
When members leave the intimacy of their group and return to the "real world," they may feel disappointed and discouraged. Their experience has given them the opportunity to dispense with social masks, to become more authentic, to see the lies and pretenses of others more clearly. But the vast majority of people outside the group have not learned these things and do live behind masks they are not even conscious of. When you gain from a learning experience a perspective you can share with comparatively few people, you're likely to feel discontented and alienated.