Hazel turned away and sat down on her foot-cushion, and buried her face in her hands. Was she ever to be done with fights and perplexities? was she ever to be quietly happy, like other people? Last night she had been sober for very joy, at first; and now after all those long, bitter two months, there was no sweet sunshine to follow. For being married did not look at all sweet to Hazel: it was true, she had hardly thought of it at all. Well, she could do as she pleased. Yes,but she knew, without seeing, the disappointment to somebody else. That she did not quite understand it, did not hide the fact. And can a woman who loves, ever really prefer her own pleasure? She looked up with even a pale face, and the wet eyelashes that so few people had ever seen.
'You do not remember'she said. 'You do not seem to understand!'
'You are the shyest bird that ever flew without wings!' said Dane drawing another low seat to her side. 'I understand wet eyes too well. I remember only that I have been waiting a year and half for you. But if I wait all my life, Hazel, I will not have you at such cost as that. If your heart is not as mine,that it would be our happiness to be together,I will go back to my work and wait another six months.'
He spoke gently and gravely, and stooped as he spoke to kiss the wet eyes.
'Statements'said the girl, in an impatient tone which yet faltered and broke before it got through.
'You shall make the statements,' said Dane, getting her hand in his, and holding it with that gentle, firm clasp which, in some hands, expresses so much; soothing and steadying and sympathizing, and claiming too; all at once. 'What is the matter, my little Wych?'
Hazel paused, summoning her courage; enforcing quiet.
'It is no use to bring up such things,' she said, speaking very slowly. 'To talk of trustandliking to be togethermixing them up with 'if' and 'but.' Unless I have proved all that, I never can. But there are a great many reasons,and you would call them fudge. And I know they are not fudge. And if you were to knock them down fifty times, they would rise up, fresh and strong as ever, after all.'
'I shall not play at that game of ten-pins. Do you think in your conscience I have any reasons?'
'Something that goes by the name, I daresay,' said Hazel sedately. 'But it is all different on your side,you wait, or you hurry, just which you choose; and you are free through the one and through the other, and after both.'