Again Ellen said, "Yes," or her lips seemed to say it.
"And yet there were reasons, good reasons, why he should not, little as poor Martha and Mary could understand it. But had he at all ceased to love them when he bade all that trouble come? Do you remember, Ellie oh, how beautiful those words are! when at last he arrived near the place, and first one sister came to him with the touching reminder that he might have saved them from this, and then the other, weeping, and falling at his feet, and repeating 'Lord, if thou hadst been here!' when he saw their tears, and more, saw the torn hearts that tears could not ease he even wept with them too! Oh, I thank God for those words! He saw reason to strike, and his hand did not spare; but his love shed tears for them! and he is just the same now."
Some drops fell from Alice's eyes, not sorrowful ones; Ellen had hid her face.
'Let us never doubt His love, dear Ellie, and surely then we can bear whatever that love may bring upon us. I do trust it. I do believe it shall be well with them that fear God. I believe it will be well for me when I die well for you, my dear, dear Ellie well even for my father "
She did not finish the sentence, afraid to trust herself. But oh! Ellen knew what it would have been; and it suddenly startled into life all the load of grief that had been settling heavily on her heart. Her thoughts had not looked that way before; now, when they did, this new vision of misery was too much to bear. Quite unable to contain herself, and unwilling to pain Alice more than she could help, with a smothered burst of feeling she sprang away, out of the door, into the woods, where she would be unseen and unheard.
And there, in the first burst of her agony, Ellen almost thought she should die. Her grief had not now, indeed, the goading sting of impatience: she knew the hand that gave the blow, and did not raise her own against it; she believed, too, what Alice had been saying, and the sense of it was, in a manner, present with her in her darkest time. But her spirit died within her; she bowed her head as if she were never to lift it up again; and she was ready to say with Job, "What good is my life to me?"
It was long, very long after, when slowly and mournfully she came in again to kiss Alice before going back to her aunt's. She would have done it hurriedly and turned away; but Alice held her, and looked sadly for a minute into the woe-begone little face, then clasped her close, and kissed her again and again.
"Oh! Alice," sobbed Ellen, on her neck, "aren't you mistaken? maybe you are mistaken!"
"I am not mistaken, my dear Ellie my own Ellie," said Alice's clear, sweet voice; "nor sorry, except for others. I will talk with you more about this. You will be sorry for me at first, and then I hope you will be glad. It is only that I am going home a little before you. Remember what I was saying to you a while ago. Will you tell Mr. Van Brunt I should like to see him for a few minutes, some time when he has leisure? And come to me early to-morrow, love."
Ellen could hardly get home. Her blinded eyes could not see where she was stepping; and again and again her fulness of heart got the better of everything else, and, unmindful of the growing twilight, she sat down on a stone by the wayside, or flung herself on the ground, to let sorrows have full sway. In one of these fits of bitter struggling with pain, there came on her mind, like a sunbeam across a cloud, the thought of Jesus weeping at the grave of Lazarus. It came with singular power. Did He love them so well? thought Ellen, and is He looking down upon us with the same tenderness even now? She felt that the sun was shining still, though the cloud might be between; her broken heart crept to His feet, and laid its burden there, and after a few minutes she rose up and went on her way, keeping that thought still close to her heart. The unspeakable tears that were shed during those few minutes were that softened out-pouring of the heart that leaves it eased. Very, very sorrowful as she was, she went on calmly now, and stopped no more.