“Sir, you’re very welcome,” said I, as well as my trembling lips would allow me.
“Dearest madam, why this agitation?” said the kind gentleman, as he took my hand to lead me to a seat, and found it cold and shaking. “I hope I han’t incommoded Miss Freyne by so early a visit?”
“Indeed, sir, I had rather you came early,” I said, for I don’t know how I had lived the day through in anticipation of his coming.
“Questionless, madam, my good friend Mr Freyne has informed you of my object in waiting upon you this morning?”
“He has told me of the honour, sir—” I could not get out another word.
“And may I venture to hope that Miss Freyne shares in the kind opinion expressed by her papa?”
I saw my chance, Amelia, and rushed at it. “Dear sir,” I burst out, all in a flurry, “it’s been told me that you’re paying me these addresses out of a notion of honour, feeling yourself bound by a declaration you made in public yesterday. I can’t be too grateful for your defence of me, but it would give me infinite pain to think that you held it necessary to carry the matter any further.”
“Even though it gave me infinite pleasure, madam? Has my dear Miss Freyne never guessed that she had another humble servant besides the young sparks that flutter about her so gaily? Ah, madam, they see you only in company, outshining, it’s true, every other lady present, yet still one amongst many; but you have permitted me to behold you continually in the softer and more endearing character of a daughter in her father’s house, and the repeated sight has graven upon my heart an impression too deep to be effaced. Does Miss Freyne grudge having lost the triumph of enrolling a new admirer? I know her tender spirit would not seek to gratify itself with the spectacle of the distress of another hopeless lover, and that I have been since first I perceived my case. But the event of yesterday gave me fresh food for thought. When I had silenced the slanderer by the revelation of a passion of which no one had dreamt, the notion came to me, ‘What if this amiable lady would be willing to accept the devotion her Colquhoun would so gladly offer her? A genteel abode, a respectable competence, the protection of a husband, and all else that could be done or given by a man who would lay down his life to oblige her, would be at her service.’ Pray, madam,” for I had strove to speak, “hear me out. You don’t need to remind me that I am old, and scarred with long years of war both in Europe and the Carnatic—I know it too well. But, on my honour, I don’t think you would find me an unkind spouse. I would never seek to deprive you of the diversions natural to your sex and age; on the contrary, I would feel honoured in attending you to ’em. The desire for knowledge, which displays the ingenious bent of your mind, I would do my best to gratify. Your heart, as I know well, I can’t aspire to possess, but if respect and complaisance could win it, even that treasure would be mine—in short, if Miss Freyne could tolerate me as a spouse, it should go hard with me if she were not happy, or at least contented in her lot.”
“Oh, dear sir,” I cried out, “cease these too kind remarks before I am crushed to the dust under such a load of obligation. Every word you have spoken has planted a dagger in my heart. I entered this room almost resolved, as I had promised my papa, to accept your proposals, but now I can’t do it, when I see that your heart’s engaged in the matter, without telling you the truth. My heart is given to another. If I could have recalled it, the thing had long been done, but I can’t, and there the matter lies.”
“Is the gentleman alive, madam?”