What a Young Husband Ought to Know

by Sylvanus Stall

It will not do, when the husband finds his wife despondent, that he should be annoyed by expressions which are quite natural to one in her condition. No young husband can enter sufficiently into the sufferings and feelings of his wife in these earliest days and weeks of apprehension and dread. She needs to be comforted with words of greatest tenderness. Your heart should go out toward her in sincere sympathy. Put away from your heart such feelings as, "Foolish girl! What did she get married for? Did she not know that she was expected to bear children, like other women? She is not suffering more than other women have suffered. All this is only in the course of nature. What use is there of making a fuss? She should submit to it in the proper spirit." If you harbor such thoughts, whether properly or improperly, they will nevertheless unfit you for that degree of sympathy which you should feel and not feign.

The months of pregnancy with most women are months of discomfort. Some women are in better health, more cheery and hopeful during the period of gestation than at any other period in their lives. But this is not generally the case; rather the reverse. During gestation some women are a terror to their husbands, and render themselves miserable, and all about them uncomfortable and unhappy. During this period the wife ceases to be physically attractive, and for her own protection and the protection of the embryo, nature makes the wife sexually repellant. Soon the morning sickness is likely to begin, and when she rises in the morning she will likely feel sick and nauseated, and vomiting will frequently ensue. Relief cannot always be afforded, and this condition may continue for weeks, or even for months. The young wife soon becomes the target for all kinds of injudicious advice. She is told to eat heartily of strong food, to "keep up her strength," and "to furnish nourishment for two." Her natural modes of life are oftentimes unnecessarily restricted, and after a period, with a sense of false modesty, she often shuts herself out from fresh air and exercise, and becomes a prisoner in her own home, or possibly in her own room.

While the pains and perils of maternity can be greatly mitigated, yet the young husband should be moved to tenderest consideration because of the discomforts which the wife suffers; the apprehensions with which she looks forward to the hour of her delivery, the responsibilities of caring for and rearing a child for usefulness in this world and happiness in the next; the apprehensions which she may have, not only in regard to her own life, but in bringing into the world a creature who shall be dependent for many years upon her and her husband; and in the days of her nervous anxiety she is likely to think of the possibility of the death of her husband, or, of what might be even more terrible to her thought, her sickness or disability through a period of years, when the breadwinner himself might become dependent upon his wife and children for his own support.

Newly-married persons should look forward to this period, and, before conception takes place, make themselves the possessors of such information as would render them intelligent and qualify them to meet the conditions with the best physical and intellectual equipment. When the wife has once become pregnant, it is then too late for her properly to take up the study of this subject. Instead of permitting her mind to dwell upon these matters, her attention should be turned to other considerations. If she or her husband have not read upon these subjects until the event takes place, then the husband should devote himself to the reading, and be to his wife a wise counsellor in the experiences through which she is passing. He should carefully study the book entitled "What a Young Wife Ought to Know," and possibly other well-chosen books. Where the husband has the time and the technical knowledge, he might find it very helpful to consult the physician whose services they expect to have at the time of confinement, and borrow from him a medical work upon the subject. Such books are always expensive, and, although written in technical terms, may yet prove interesting and suggestive. The greatest danger, however, in this course is, that medical books deal not so much with the normal conditions which characterize the vast majority of confinements, but with the abnormal and exceptional, which are only occasionally met, and these exceptions, abnormal conditions and hideous monstrosities, are likely to fill the mind with unnecessary apprehension. Under no circumstances should a pregnant wife be permitted to fill her mind with apprehension and alarm by reading of this character.

If the wife is to follow the most beneficial rules of exercise, diet and mental condition, she will need to be encouraged and assisted by the judicious counsel and tenderest sympathies of her husband. If she is allowed to seclude herself and become inactive, she will not only suffer the severest experiences at the time of delivery, but her child will be likely to be indifferent to physical and intellectual activity; while, upon the other hand, if her life is filled with a round of perpetual duties, perplexities and worries which consume her time, leave her depleted, and allow her no time for rest, she is likely to be the mother of a restless, nervous and irritable child. The young husband should remember that what his home is to be in the days to come will depend upon the intelligence and wisdom of himself and wife while they stand at the sources of destiny in the early period of their married life. Their health, their wisdom, their judicious direction is to determine not only their own present happiness but the character of their children, the condition of their home, and measurably even the destinies of generations yet unborn.

It is not within our province, when writing to young husbands, to lay down rules and to give full directions which are fitted for a book of instruction to young wives and expectant mothers. But as something might be properly expected upon this phase of the subject, we append from "Trained Motherhood" a suggestive article on "Diet and Hygiene for Expectant Mothers," by a writer who signs herself "K. L.":

"From the very moment of consciousness of the conception of a new life every effort should be made for the welfare of both mother and child.

"With the majority of women pregnancy is a condition to be dreaded, since it brings with it so much care, pain and all sorts of trials, ending with intense suffering.

"The greater part of these troubles are caused by the violation of the laws of nature; and by following a few simple rules much, if not all, of the suffering and worry women undergo may be avoided.

"Having received many requests for advice, the writer gives, for the benefit of sister women, as the result of personal experience and experiments, the directions and hints that follow: