A laughable story is told of an expedient adopted by Buckingham, and his mother, to divert the royal melancholy at the most dismal part of his reign. A young lady was introduced, carrying in her arms a pig dressed as an infant, which the Countess presented to the King in a rich mantle. One Turpin, robed as a bishop, commenced reading the baptismal service, while an assistant stood by with a silver ewer filled with water. The King, for whom the joke was intended as a pleasing surprise, hearing the pig suddenly squeak, and recognising the face of Buckingham, who personated the godfather, exclaimed, “Away, for shame, what blasphemy is this?” indignant at the trick which had been imposed on him. But it is improbable that Buckingham would have ventured on such a piece of buffoonery had he not been prompted by the success of former occasions.
Charles II., it is said, enjoyed fun as much as any of the youngest of his courtiers. On one of his birthdays a pickpocket, in the garb of a gentleman, obtained admission to the drawing-room, and extracted a gold snuff-box from a gentleman’s pocket, which he was quietly transferring to his own when he suddenly caught the King’s eye. But the fellow was in no way disconcerted, and winked at Charles to hold his tongue. Shortly afterwards his Majesty was much amused by observing the nobleman feeling one pocket after another in search of his box. At last he could resist no longer, and exclaimed, “You need not, my lord, give yourself any more trouble about it; your box is gone, and I own myself an accomplice: I could not help it, I was made a confidant.”
One day this facetious monarch, it is said, asked Dr. Stillingfleet how it happened that he always read his sermons before him, when he was informed that he preached without a book elsewhere. The doctor told the King that the awe of so noble an audience, and particularly the royal presence, made him afraid to trust himself.
“But, in return, will your Majesty give me leave to ask you why you read your speeches when you can have none of the same reasons?”
“Why, truly, doctor,” replied the King, “your question is a very plain one, and so will be my answer. I have asked my subjects so often, and for so much money, that I am ashamed to look them in the face.”
But his Majesty did not always escape himself being made the victim of a joke. He was reputed to be skilled in naval architecture, and visiting Chatham to view a ship which had just been completed, he asked the famous Killigrew “if he did not think he should make an excellent shipwright?” To which Killigrew replied that “he always thought his Majesty would have done better at any trade than his own.” Meeting Shaftesbury, his Majesty one day said to the unprincipled Earl, “I believe thou art the wickedest fellow in my dominions.” “For a subject, sir,” said the other, “I believe I am.” The happy retort of Blood is well known, who, when Charles inquired how he dared to make his bold attempt on the crown jewels, replied, “My father lost a good estate in fighting for the crown, and I considered it no harm to recover it by the crown.”
James II., when Duke of York, made a visit to the poet Milton, and asked him if he did not think the loss of sight was a judgment upon him for what he had written against his father, Charles I. Milton replied, if his Highness thought his loss of sight a judgment upon him, he wished to know what he thought of his father’s losing his head.
Mary II. did not often indulge in badinage or playfulness. But one day she asked her ladies “what was meant by a squeeze of the hand?” They forthwith answered, “Love.” Then said her Majesty, laughing, “Vice-Chamberlain Smith must be in love with me, for he squeezes my hand very hard.”
George I. was humorous, a trait of character of which many anecdotes have been told. When on a visit to Hanover, he stopped at a Dutch village, and, whilst the horses were being got ready, his Majesty asked for two or three eggs, for which he was charged a hundred florins.
“How is this?” inquired the King. “Eggs must be very scarce here.”