“I heard lots about the stuff called philosophy of soldiers and all that bosh before I got over here—if it’s philosophy that they’ve got or actin’, I don’t believe the boys know it themselves. Anyhow they call it that in books and magazines. I used to throw that kind of line back yonder, years ago—so it seems. But I’m finée now. You got to hand me nails when I ask for nails to-day. Brass-headed tacks won’t do, O. D.
“But to get back to the philosophy stuff. In this guerre you got to tell yourself that there ain’t no shells or bullets with your name on ’em, watch your step on the gas stuff and you ain’t got much to say about whether a bomb is goin’ to get you or not. So quit worryin’ ’bout ’em till you get in a raid. Makes no difference how close they come or how many they get right next to you. That’s just proof that nothin’ ain’t labeled for you. Get me on that? All right, next. One of the first damn things in French I’m goin’ to learn you is to say, ‘Say la guerre.’ Means, ‘It’s the war.’ When you get to sayin’ that till you believe it then you got the old war licked a hundred ways. That’s my way of lookin’ at this stuff. Call it philosophy if you want to. But old Zeke Doolittle looks at it the same way and he couldn’t know a philosophy book from a monocle.
“I ate so much at that party had to see the doctor next day. Had a bellyache that worried me more than the battle of Seicheprey. Doc tried to shoot some bull ’bout my havin’ got gassed—then he painted my stomach with iodine and gave me a pill—same old stuff.”
CHAPTER IX—“THE OLD VAN SEEZEUM ON ITS WAY”
“After the scrap ’round Seicheprey we didn’t encore the battle much except when the Battle of Boucq started. That was one hell of a curious battle. The Boches got mad and began heavin’ shells ’way back in the rears. Boucq wasn’t too far away to be in it.
“That’s where all our headquarters was located—regimental, brigade, division, and the whole damn shootin’-match. At that time Mudgy Jones, also known as Chisel-Face or Whistlin’ Jaws, was colonel of our regiment. Let me tell you right now our regiment had a hell of a time gettin’ where it was, handicapped as we were with that man as a C. O. All he could do was walk ’round whistlin’ somethin’ that didn’t have no tune at all and find fault. Well, just to show you what kind of a gink Mudgy was, when the stuff started comin’ and breakin’ near regimental P. C. he dives down into a cellar and loses himself. The general comes over to give him hell ’bout somethin’, and he couldn’t be found. Finally some guy bribed Jones’ orderly to tell where he was. Mudgy didn’t pull any whistle stuff when the old gen. hauled him up.
“The battle of Boucq lasted ’bout four days, durin’ which the One Hundred and Fourth Infantry—hardest bunch of doughboys in this man’s army—got lined up on a hill by some French general and handed the Craw de Guerre for the whole damn outfit. Only outfit in the A. E. F. that can wear that thing as a regiment, too.
“We had a gang fight down ’round Xivray that lasted a day or so and made us lose quite a number of the fellows. Then we got pulled out of the Toul lines and loaded on another bunch of foolish-lookin’ trains. When we was loadin’—that was ’bout the last day of June or nearbouts—they handed out some wild rumor stuff ’bout us goin’ to parade in Paree on the Fourth. All the soldats believed it and a hell of a lot of second looeys—even the C. O. By the way, Davis that was with us at Seicheprey had been made a captain and put in charge of our outfit.
“The train started toward Paree and made ’bout three hundred kilos in that direction. All along the tracks and in the big towns we passed through there was gangs of girls and school-kids shoutin’ at us. Throwin’ kisses and askin’ for bisqués—them’s biscuits in anglay. We fired all the hardtack we had to ’em, as usual.
“That was the time we learned how to call ourselves in fransay. I kept hearin’ the French kids sayin’ somethin’ that sounded like ‘Van Seezeum’ and wondered what the hell it meant. A French Canuck up and says, ‘That’s the way they say Twenty-sixth in Frog.’ They was glad, he says, because the old Van Seezeum was on its way. Then I began gettin’ it. The kids knew who we was somehow. Some of ’em hollered, ‘Caput Boches at Seicheprey.’ Gosh! there must have been somethin’ in the papers ’bout us, the way they was talkin’ it off.