CONTENTS
| CHAPTER | PAGE | |
| I. | The Superstition | [1] |
| II. | Predecessors | [23] |
| III. | The Pow-wow Men | [42] |
| IV. | The Scot in Journalism | [57] |
| V. | Thrums and Drumtochty | [76] |
| VI. | Barbie | [92] |
| VII. | The Bard | [101] |
| VIII. | The Scot as a Critic | [117] |
| IX. | The Scot as Biographer | [142] |
| X. | The Scot in Letters | [153] |
| XI. | The Scot in Commerce | [163] |
| XII. | The Scot as a Dipsomaniac | [172] |
| XIII. | The Scot as Criminal | [179] |
| XIV. | The Scot by Adoption | [186] |
| XV. | The Scot and England | [194] |
| XVI. | The Way Out | [204] |
| XVII. | Advertisement | [212] |
The Unspeakable Scot
I
THE SUPERSTITION
This book is for Anglo-Saxons. It is also in the nature of a broad hint for Scotchmen. My qualification to bestow broad hints upon the politest and most intellectual of the peoples is that I possess a large fund of contempt for the Scottish character. Also, I had the misfortune to be born on a day which is marked, sadly enough, in the calendars, Burns died. So that, one way and another, I appear to have been raised up for the work before us, even as Dr. J. M. Barrie[1] was raised up to assist the fortunes of a certain brand of smoking mixture.[2]
Of course, if a man speak of the Scotch in any but the most dulcet tones he invites the onslaught of a thousand witty pens. The bare title of the present essay is pronounced by good judges to be uncomplimentary to Scotland, and I can well imagine that since its announcement Drs. Lang, Archer, Robertson Nicoll, Ross, and Hamish Hendry, together with a base residuum of anonymous reviewers, have made a point of sleeping in their clothes in order that they might be “ready, aye ready,” to deal faithfully with the haughty Southron at the earliest possible moment. I like to think, however, that Dr. Lang, who, with true Scottish shrewdness, avowed himself but yesterday a convinced crystal-gazer,[3] has had due prevision of the friendliness of my intentions. Were I disposed to bloody battle, I might have opened fire by remarking in hot type that if you scratch a Scotchman you will find a very low person indeed. Or I could have thrown from my pompom that shining projectile:
False Scot