The Willoughby Captains

by Talbot Baines Reed

“Oh, Bouncer was a Willoughby chap, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
Upon his head he wore his cap, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
Below his cap he wore his head,
His eyes were black and his hair was red,
And he carried his bat for a cool hundred,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!”

This poetic record of the virtues and accomplishments of their legendary school hero gave ample scope, as the reader may surmise, for spirited declamation; and on the present occasion more Welchers than Riddell were startled by the sudden and vehement outburst of the patriotic hymn. Indeed, as it appeared to be a point of honour with the vocalists to pitch no two voices in the same key, the effect was even alarming, and suggested the sudden letting loose of a menagerie.

The singers waited meekly for a few seconds to see whether their efforts had met with the success they deserved. But as a dead silence reigned, and no one came, they considerately determined to give their audience another chance; and therefore launched forthwith into the second verse, which was delivered with even more dramatic power than the first:

“Old Bouncer stood six foot and an inch, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
And four foot round his chest was a pinch, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
Twelve stone two was his fighting weight,
And he stroked our boat for the champion plate,
And ran his mile in four thirty-eight,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!”

This time the heroic efforts of the melodious juniors had their reward. Before the last line was reached the door of the new captain’s study opened, and Riddell appeared in the passage. His first appearance in his new capacity was naturally a matter of curiosity on every hand; and as he approached the scene of the noise he became aware that almost every occupant of the passage was standing at his door, watching curiously for what was to happen.

He certainly did not look, as he walked nervously down the corridor, the sort of fellow to quell a riot; and any one might have prophesied that he was not likely to come off any better now than he did when he once went on a similar errand to the stronghold of the Limpets.

And yet the weeks that had elapsed since then had not been thrown away on Riddell. Would the reader like to hear what his thoughts were as he neared the scene of his trial?

“What had I better do? If I get in a rage I shall only make a fool of myself; if I report them to the doctor I shall be shirking my own work; if I remonstrate mildly and do no more, my chances in Welch’s are done for, and these fellows who are on the lookout for my failure will get their crow. I must get on the right side of these youngsters if I can, so here goes!”

With this reflection he reached the door just as the third verse of “Bouncer” commenced, the performers having carefully turned their backs so as to appear wholly unconscious of a visitor. Verse three referred altogether to the intellectual attainments of the wonderful Bouncer.

“Bouncer was the cock of the school, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
And Socrates to him was a fool, sir,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!
He could cross the ‘asses’ bridge in the dark,
And ‘Hic Haec Hoc’ he thought a lark.
And swallowed irregular verbs like a shark,
Bouncer! Bouncer! Bouncer!”