No, there's nothing half so sweet in life
As Love's young dream."
Chapter Eight
INTRODUCES MONTGOMERY JULIEN ETHELBERT SPINKS
In the attic of an old house in Holywell Street, London, a frowsy-headed, freckled-faced youth was peering from the gabled window that fronted on the busy thoroughfare below. This lad was conspicuous for his lack of beauty. He had a round jolly face, a turned-up and rather negatively developed nose, and eyes of a neutral shade that might be described as gray or green with equal correctness. His mouth was capable of stretching to a length almost awe-inspiring when first beheld, but could be forgiven for this extravagance, because the teeth thus exposed were white and regular. His chin was square and slightly protruding, imparting a rather pugnacious expression to a face that in other respects seemed to indicate that its owner was of a decidedly good-humored disposition. He was stockily built, so thick-set, in fact, that a quick glance would incline one to the belief that he was rather plump than otherwise, but a closer examination would have revealed that he owed his size to the possession of an unusual amount of bone and muscle. This young gentleman rejoiced in the sobriquet of Buster, though his real title was much more elegant, while lacking entirely in the almost epigrammatic terseness of his nickname. At the present time he was anxiously waiting for the approach of an old-clothesman who was slowly making his way down the street, meanwhile inviting trade at the top of his lungs. Buster and the old-clothesman were acquaintances of long standing, though their relations were by no means of a friendly nature, the eagerness with which the boy awaited the man's coming being caused entirely by a desire to drop a paper bag full of water upon the latter's head from the height of three stories, a proceeding which Buster was sanguine would be productive of reason for unlimited merriment. He had the bag, empty as yet, clutched tightly in one hand, while the other was within easy reach of a cracked pitcher full of water standing on the floor near the window. A disreputable-looking bulldog, impartially divided as to color between brindle and dirty white, was inspecting proceedings in a most interested manner from his seat on a rickety stool in the nearest corner.
Buster sighed with impatience and the dog yawned in sympathy.
"Lord Castlereagh, your rudeness is honly hexceeded by your himperliteness, the both of wich is hunsurpassed save by your bad manners. You should put your bloomin' paw hup before that 'ole in your phis'omy when you sees fit to hexhibit your inards."
Lord Castlereagh cocked one dilapidated ear in token of attention and wagged his apology for a tail vigorously.
"You feels no remorse, eh?" demanded Buster, severely.
"Woof!" remarked Lord Castlereagh, in extenuation.