As I have said, this northern portion of Ohio is a mixture of half city and half country, and this little city of Conneaut was an interesting illustration of the rural American grappling with the metropolitan idea. In one imposing drug or candy store (the two are almost synonymous these days) to which Franklin and I went for a drink of soda, we met a striking example of the rural fixity of idea, or perhaps better, religiosity of mind or prejudice, in regard to certain normal human appetites or vices. In most of these small towns and cities in Ohio these days, total abstinence from all intoxicating liquors is enforced by local option. In Conneaut local option had decided that no intoxicating liquor of any kind should be sold there. But since human nature is as it is and must have some small outlet for its human naturalness, apparently they now get what are sometimes called near-drinks, which are sold under such enticing names as “Sparkade” (which is nothing more than a carbonated cider or apple juice), “Gayola,” “Cheercoala,” and a score of other,—all dosed, no doubt, with a trace of some temporarily bracing drug, like caffeine or kolanut. The one which I tried on this occasion was “Sparkade,” a feeble, watery thing, which was advertised to have all the invigorating qualities of champagne and to taste the same.
“Has this any real champagne in it?” I asked the conventional but rosy cheeked girl who waited on me, jestingly.
“No, sir. I don’t think so, sir. I’ve never tried it, though.”
“What?” I said, “Never tried this wonderful drink? Have you ever tasted champagne?”
“Indeed, not!” she replied, with a concerned and self-preservative air.
“What, never? Well, then, there’s your chance. I’m going to drink a bottle of Sparkade and you can taste mine.”
I poured out the bubbling stuff and offered it to her.
“No, thank you,” she replied haughtily, and as I still held it toward her, “’No, thank you! I never touch anything of that kind.”
“But you say it is a nonintoxicant?”
“Well, I think it is, but I’m not sure. And anyhow, I don’t think I’d care for it.”