I must further relate to you something of the sorrow which I had before I was apprehended. Now I remember the words of the apostle, that I have had godly sorrow, and that godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation. 2 Cor. 7:10. Yea, I had such sorrow at times, that I did not know whither to turn, and sometimes cried to the Lord with a loud voice, saying: “O Lord, crush my old heart, and give me a new heart and mind, that I may be found upright before thine eyes.” Ezek. 36:26. I said to my dear husband: When I apply the rule of the Scriptures to my life, it seems to me as though I must perish. Well may I say with David: “Mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.” Ps. 38:4. I said: “My dear husband, pray the Lord for me; I am so harassed—the more I direct my thoughts to the Lord, the more the tempter assails me with other thoughts.” 1 Pet. 5:8. Thus I cried to the Lord, and said: “O Lord, thou surely knowest that I desire nothing but to fear thee.” My husband would comfort me sometimes; it seemed to him that I did nothing but what could stand in the sight of the Lord. I said: “I have not my first love” (Rev. 2:4); therefore I grieve, so that I cannot sleep. There is no hope to die unto sin, I apprehend to live a long time yet; though I strive never so much to reform, yet I remain as vile as ever: “O wretched man that I am, whither shall I go?” Rom. 7:24.
I should have written more to you, but the messenger came and informed me that we were to go [die]. My dearly beloved friends, such was the joyful sentence my husband, and I, and our brother heard: we showed each other such love, and had such a glad heart. I thanked the Lord so greatly, that the lords all heard it. They bade me keep silence, but I spoke fearlessly. When we had heard our sentence, all three of us spoke, and said that they had condemned righteous blood, and other words. My dear husband spoke so friendly, and said so often, with a glad countenance, that all the people beheld it: “Yes, we thank the Lord!”
Herewith I commend you to the Lord. Hasten to come to us, and that we may live with each other in eternity.
Another letter or confession of Claesken.
When we were before the full council, we were addressed by the Procurator General of the council, who presented to the lords a general statement of what we had confessed before the commissary, and made a long speech, how long we had not been to church, that we had not had our children baptized, and that we were Anabaptists, and said that according to the decree we had forfeited our lives, and that our property had lapsed into the hands of the King. Thus he accused us before the lords, and harangued us upon life and property, and when he had related how and where we had received our baptism, he asked us whether we would adhere to our baptism. We boldly and fearlessly said with a glad heart, that we had received one baptism according to the command of the Lord. Our brother Jacques said that if the contrary could be proven to him with the word of the Lord, he did not want to act contrary to his word.
My husband said that he would adhere to his baptism. And I said, as our brother had said, that we had received one baptism according to the word of the Lord. Every time he said: “Just as you think.” He then asked us, whether we did not wish an advocate. Our brother said: “The Lord is our Advocate.” 1 John 2:1. With this we went away. We went from the council glad and joyful, though it was to cost our lives. Acts 5:41.
Since that time, my husband and our brother appeared once before the pastor of the Old Court, and on Sunday in Lent all three of us were before the steward, our brother first; he had a long conversation with him; and proved it to him with the Scriptures, so that he could not say a word against it, except that it was from the devil, since there were many in hell, and that ours were the worst; thereupon my husband was brought before him, and then I. When I appeared before him, he began to speak of infant baptism, of my baptism, the necessity of eating the flesh of Christ, and many other things. I said: “You need not bring these matters up; it is not given me to dispute with you. I tell you flatly, I will adhere to that wherein the Lord has called me.” He replied that the devil had called me. I said: “Is it the nature of the devil now, to desist from evil, and do good? It is with us as the prophet says: He that departeth from evil maketh himself a prey. Is. 59:15. Thus it has gone with us; from the first day that we forsook our vain, wicked life, we were hated of every one, as Christ says: ‘Ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake.’ ” Matt. 10:22. He says: Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do; but fear him which hath power to cast soul and body into hell. Luke 12:4,5; Is. 51:7. Yes, him alone we fear. He insisted that I should express myself with regard to infant baptism, and the eating of the flesh of Christ. I said: “It is not worth while for me to answer your questions; they are so useless. I have told it to you enough; I shall tell you no more;. we have had enough of it.” I said: “Wake up, and give heed; you certainly see that it is not in human power what the Lord enables us to do, that we can leave our dear children, yea, joyfully resign our lives, for the honor of God.” I said: “Take heed what you do, we are God’s holy people, his chosen. Though all your learned men in the whole world should agree, they cannot prove to us with the word of the Lord, that we believe or act contrary to the Word.” He said that we at least did not believe that the apostles ate the flesh of Christ, and drank his blood, and Christ says: “Take, eat, this is my body.” I said: “Christ took the bread, gave thanks, brake it, and gave it to his apostles. When he took the bread, brake it, and gave it to them, the bread was certainly no flesh; he surely did not give them his living body to eat, when he stood alive among them; but he gave his body for redemption, not for them alone, but for all who should believe in him.” However, he was not to be convinced, but held to his old tune.
Our brother had proved everything to him so clearly with the Scriptures, that he could not say a single word against it. Our brother spoke very loud in order that those who stood without the chancery should hear how clearly he proved it to him. I also spoke as loud as I could, with a glad heart; whatever the Lord gave me to utter I spoke fearlessly; to relate all of which would take too long. He constantly reiterated that we had the devil in us, that the devil transformed himself into an angel of light in us, that we were possessed of the devil of pride, and that we must forever go into the abyss of hell. Thus he did every time we were before him. I said: “As lightly as you consign us to the abyss of hell, so highly are we exalted with the Lord.”
As regards infant baptism he knew nothing to say, except Christ says: You must be born again of water and of the Spirit. John 3:5. I said: “Children cannot understand the new birth; Christ said this to the adult; hence we have put off our old life, and put on a new life. We well know that our children are saved before the Lord.” He then cited David, how he was born in sin. Ps. 51:7. Our brother had explained it to him clearly, yet he remained as ignorant as ever. When we had ended our conversation, I asked him what my husband said. He replied: “Your husband also persists in his views.” I said: “What will you do with my poor husband, who cannot read a word?” He replied: “Your damnation will be greater than that of your husband; because you can read, and have seduced him.” With this I left him. Afterwards Claesken, her husband, and brother Jacques were drowned, for the testimony of the truth, at Leeuwarden, in Friesland, in March 1559.