Scar. In this generous and considerate speech, do I plainly discover the inclinations of the famous Gabriele d’Estrée, Harry the fourth’s mistress. But I am in trouble for the poor marchioness; I know a convent must be insupportable to a woman that has tasted the pleasures of a licentious court.
Furet. The cardinal was against publishing his niece’s wantonness, as well as the mareschal, and took upon him the care of reprimanding her, and bringing her into the path of virtue: to which the marquis de Cœuvres readily consented, not imagining he deliver’d the pretty lamb to the ravenous wolf. This being agreed on, the lustful prelate went immediately to his niece; I come, Madam, said he, from doing you a very considerable piece of service: all our family has been in consultation against you, and could think of no milder punishment for you than a convent, with all its mortifications, viz. Praying, fasting, whipping, and abstaining from the masculine kind, &c. I know, dear niece, this was as unjust as severe; but, in short, it had been your doom, had I not been your friend. Such a piece of service as this, beautiful niece, deserves a suitable return, and I believe you too generous to be ungrateful: but I shall think this, and all the other services I can render you, highly recompenc’d, if you’ll but permit me to see you often, and embrace you.
Scar. A very pious speech! I hope that which is to follow will answer this excellent beginning. Now do I imagine a place formally besieged; the next news will be of the opening the trenches.
Furet. We proceed very regularly, Mr. Scarron; the place makes a noble defence, and does not surrender till a breach is made. To be thus unjustly accused, said the marchioness, is a very great misfortune; and tho’ I will not disown my obligation to you, yet you must permit me to say, that your proceeding destroys that very obligation: if you will not have any regard to my virtue, and the fidelity I owe to my husband, you ought, nevertheless, to remember your character, and how nearly we are related. But I know the meaning of this; you believe the scandalous and malicious story that has been raised of me, and design to make your advantage of it. What can be more injurious than this attempt! Tho’ you thought me a whore, had you but thought me still virtuous enough to abhor your beastly, incestuous proposition, I should have had some reason to esteem you—
Scar. Poor prelate! Egad, I pity thee; thou hast receiv’d such a bruise in this repulse, that I cannot think thou wilt have the courage to return to the attack.
Furet. Have patience; you are not acquainted with the craft and courage of a mitred hog. The prelate, who by this resistance, was become more amorous, resolv’d to watch so narrowly his niece’s conduct, that he would oblige her to do that out of fear, which all his rhetorick and protestations of love could not tempt her to. To be short, he managed so well this important affair, that he surpris’d the duke de Seaux in bed, between Madam de Lionne and the marchioness de Cœuvres her daughter: and to magnify charity, as well as other virtues in this matter, he took Monsieur de Lionne along with him. I will leave you to imagine the confusion of these two ladies; the first to see her husband, and the other the man she had so vigorously repuls’d. The marchioness thinking wisely, her compliance would yet conceal her intrigue; taking the cardinal by the hand, and gently squeezing it, said, If you’ll promise to appease my father, and by your ghostly authority, make my mother and him good friends again, and keep this frolick from my husband, you shall, whenever you please, find me grateful, and sensible of your affection.
Scar. What said Monsieur de Lionne? The surprise of a poor cuckold, who finds a handsome, brawny young fellow in bed with his wife and daughter, surpasses my imagination.
Furet. If, like Actæon, he had been immediately metamorphosed into a stag, he could not have been more surprized.
Scar. How did the prelate behave himself after this charitable brave exploit? The breach is now made, there has been a parley; the preliminaries are agreed on; nothing now is wanting, but taking possession of the place.
Furet. You move very soldier like, Mr. Scarron. The prelate being resolv’d to perform all the articles of the treaty, like a man of honour, first preach’d on charity, and then forgiveness of crimes; then on human prudence, policy, the reputation of their family, and quoted some of the old mareschal’s remarks; which altogether so prevail’d on the poor cuckold, that he consented to put his horns in his pocket, and forgive his daughter. Then did the prelate, under the pious pretence of correcting his faulty niece, lead her with a seeming austere gravity into his chamber, where he summon’d her to the performance of articles on her part; which, on a couch, were reciprocally exchanged; she not daring to refuse it, for fear he should acquaint her husband with her intrigue with the duke de Seaux.