Birds have often shew’d their tenderness and compassion to mankind: eagles have preserv’d infants in their nests, who have afterwards become singularly prosperous in the ages they have liv’d in. Sappho rais’d himself to the reputation of a God among the Persians by parrots, and yourself to the grandeur of an alderman by your mother’s hen turkies: for in all wonderful effects the leading cause ought to be reverenc’d and respected.
Nothing conduces more to the rise and riches of a citizen, than these three qualifications; nor can a man be a compleat trader without them: First, To be a hypocrite undiscernably: Secondly, A knave, and not mistrusted: And Thirdly, To be diligent in all matters that concern his own interest. These profitable talents I must needs confess you are absolute master of, and managed them with that admirable cunning, that I always conceiv’d a different opinion of you, till I had given it irrevocably into your power to feather your own nest, by compleating of my ruin; and like a true politician (I thank you) you made an excellent use of the lucky opportunity: for when the vicissitude of fortune had put my affairs in a little disorder, and I thought it best for the safety of my person to take foreign sanctuary, what friendly protections did you make, from the teeth outwards, of the faithful service you would do me in my absence, in order to compose and settle matters after such a manner, that all the difficulties should be remov’d and made easy, that had lessen’d my credit, and occasion’d me to withdraw? Upon which, I being too forward to believe a person, I had rais’d from sheep-skin breeches, and leathern shoe-ties, to the substance and reputation of a topping citizen, could never forget the obligation he lay under to do me justice, as to prove treacherous to his master, trusted you alone with my whole effects, and the sole power of managing my affairs according to your own discretion: but you, like a faithful steward, when my back was turn’d, instead of endeavouring to support my declining reputation, lessen’d my circumstances to my creditors far beneath their real estimate, till you had bought up my notes to the sum of a hundred thousand pounds, for an eighth part of their value, on your own behalf, with the ready specie I had left you to compound my matters; and like an honest man return’d them upon me at their full contents, cheating my creditors of seven parts in eight of their due, sinking the money to yourself, and leaving, like an ungrateful wretch, the kindest of all masters to die a beggar; in this, I say, you shew’d yourself a compleat citizen: First, A hypocrite in dissembling friendship to me: Secondly, A knave, in cheating me and my creditors; And Thirdly, An industrious man, in diligently converting so fair an opportunity so foully to your own interest.
Upon this basis (when downright knavery, according to the city phrase was term’d outwitting) you rais’d a popular esteem to yourself for being a wealthy man, and a cunning one, and as I have since heard, daily improv’d your riches as honestly as you got it; and by changing broad money into less, made your sums the larger: a pretty sort of a paradox, that a man by diminution should raise an increase: but the deed was darker than the saying, yet both very intelligible to money’d citizens in the age you live in. It is no great wonder, if rightly consider’d, that a man of your dealing should acquire such vast riches, since you were so well belov’d by your under agents, that scarce a sessions pass for seven years together, but one or other was hanged for the propagation of your interest, whilst yourself stood secure behind a bulwark of full bags, that skreen’d your person from the law, and your reputation from the danger of common slander.
Another fortunate opportunity you had of heaping more muck upon your fertile possessions, and manuring those mighty sums you had before collected, was the misfortunes of your prince, which largely contributed (as you honestly order’d the matter) to your further prosperity. Fourscore thousand pounds more added to your preceeding stock, was, indeed, enough to make a reasonable man contented; but as nothing less than the conquest of the whole world could satisfy the ambition of Alexander; so nothing, I am apt to think, but the riches of the universe, can quench the unbounded avarice of so aspiring a Crœsus. But oh the disappointments that attend the proud and wealthy! what signifies three hundred thousand pounds to an ambitious alderman, if he cannot take a peaceable nod in his elbow-chair of state, and be registered in the city-annals, lord-mayor of London, that posterity may read Duncombe and his turkies were as much renowned in the age they liv’d in, as Whittington and his cat? I am heartily sorry (since fortune’s favours, and your own indefatigable knavery, have so happily concurr’d to make you rich) that the electors of the city would not also agree to make you honourable; and that your oracle of time, that publick monument of your generosity, with your promise of a mansion-house for the city-magistrate, and the twelve apostles to be elevated at the east-end of St. Paul’s, will not all prevail upon the livery-men of London to chuse you into the trust and dignity, which would very highly become a person of your worth, honour, and integrity. But, as I well remember, one of the eggs was rotten, which I have since reflected on, and think it reasonable to judge, if there be any divination by eggs, that it predicted your hopes would be addled in this very affair; and do therefore advise you for the future, to decline all thoughts of the mayoralty. I am very well pleas’d that you deal barefac’d to the world in one particular, which is, that tho’ you keep a chaplain in your house to feed your ears with a few minc’d instructions, yet you entertain two mistresses publickly in your family, to reduce the rebellious flesh into an orderly subjection; from whence your neighbours may see, in matters of religion you are no hypocrite, but openly do that which more secret sinners would be asham’d to be caught in, who perhaps are full as wicked, tho’ they hide their vices with a sanctify’d coverslut, whilst you professing not much religion, scorn to make so ill a use as a cloak, of that little you are bless’d with.
I fear you are grown too bulky in estate to be long-liv’d in prosperity, you are a well-fed fish to be caught nibbling at the bait, and abundance of great men are angling for you; if you are once hamper’d by the hook, you will not shake yourself off easily: and methinks it’s pity a man that, I have some reason to say, has got an estate knavishly, should ever run the hazard of losing it foolishly; but preserve it according to the custom of the city, to build an alms-house after your decease, that may maintain about the thousandth part of as many people when he is dead, as he has cheated when he was living.
So farewel,
Blackwell.
The Answer to Alderman Blackwell.
SIR,
WHO would ever be a servant, if it were not for the hopes of being at one time or other as good a man as his master? It’s the thoughts of bettering our own conditions without danger, that makes a man submit with patience to a servile subjection: but he that can govern his master, will never truly obey him; and he that finds he can outwit him, will be no longer his fool. Nature made us freemen alike, and gave us the whole world to seek our fortunes in; and he that by either wit, strength or industry, can straddle over the back of another, has the riding him for his pains. If one man that is poor, worms a rich man out of his estate, it is but changing condition with one another, and the world in general is not a jot the worse for it: besides, in most mens opinions, he best deserves an estate that has cunning enough to get one, and wit enough to keep it when he has got it. I know no injustice but what is punishable by the laws of the land; and if I can acquire an estate, tho’ fifty men starve for it, that the laws will protect me in, I think myself as rightfully possess’d as any man in the kingdom: he that is bubbled out of an estate will certainly fall under the character of a fool; and he that gets one will be as surely suspected for a knave; no man enjoys the reputation of an honest man, but he who bribes the world by courtesies into that opinion of him; and he who, like myself, scorns to be at the charge of purchasing on’t, shall be sure never to enjoy the character. Honesty and courage may be said to stand upon one bottom, for all men would derogate from both, and be knaves and cowards if they durst; for its the fear of being piss’d upon by every body, that makes men fight soberly; and the fear of punishment that makes men live honestly; yet a politick coward often passes for a brave man for want of being try’d; and an arrant knave, for want of opportunity for a very honest fellow.
You blame me for building my own welfare out of your ruin, and charge me with knavery for taking the advantage of your folly; I am of that old opinion, that all mankind are either fools or knaves; and it is a maxim in my politicks, that he who will not be a knave, the world will make a fool of him. One man’s oversight is always another’s gain. How then can you condemn me for laying hold of that opportunity, which your weakness gave me as a tryal of my wit? and had I neglected making a true use of it to my own advantage, I had made myself a greater fool than he who trusted a single man’s honesty with so large a temptation. Could you have kept your estate in your own power, how great was your indiscretion to deliver it into mine? and since I found, when I had it in my custody, I could secure it to myself, beyond the power of the law to recover it, how foolish shou’d I have been to have omitted the opportunity? in short, I am very well satisfyed at the usage I gave you, no check of conscience do I yet find that inclines me to repentance; but am heartily resolv’d, thro’ the course of my life, never to let slip so luscious an advantage.