Irish. Boo, hoo, ooo: bless the sweet faash of thee indeed, poor Teague will have patience ’till his good grace will let him in indeed.
Lucif. What noise is that without?
Porter. Here is a troop of Scots that swear and stare to get in, and beg they may but skulk into some cold corner of hell, (which they wou’d not know from their own country above) with their Ganymedes, from the fury of their wives, whom they hear are just following them at their heels. And then here is some thousands more from Asia, Africa, and America, push’d on with the same fear: but I’ll keep them here in the Lobby, ’till your infernal majesty is more at leisure.
Lucif. Do so,—for the horrid nauseousness of these sots have almost put me into a fit of vomiting and looseness. And now, my lords and gentlemen, that have given your attendance at this court, you may depart ’till farther orders; but tendering my health, both for your sakes and my own, I shall confer the office of my deputy on our right reverend and well-belov’d cousin Belzebub, prince of the Flies; for I am unable to undergo this fatigue any more.
Belzebub. I humbly beg your majesty wou’d excuse my age, and give me my quietus. Here is prince Satan, an able and active devil, and worthy your choice.
Satan. Good prince Belzebub, you might have spar’d your good word; for I shall beg to be excus’d, if my former services may be respected; for I had enough of mankind when I tempted Eve, she foil’d me so at my own weapon; therefore I hope your majesty will confer that troublesome employment on some devil of less quality than myself.
Lucif. So be it then, and let the mob of hell make choice of one, for I am resolv’d to trouble myself no more about them. But before we rise, let proclamation be made of a general play-day and jubilee for all the lesser and laborious rank of devils, who have been thus long continually employ’d in damning mankind; let them take their ease as long as matrimony prevails above; for now our business is much better done by woman to our hands: Or if any are so zealously inclin’d to be still busy for the good of their country, let them employ their time and talents to better purpose than formerly, in perswading the easy world against cœlibacy, by stigmatizing all that affect it with the name of whores, rogues, and hypocrites; and if that prevails, we gain our point, and widow’d Heaven may bid good-night to mankind. For if we get them into our noose, we may be sure of our purchase. Let none therefore loyter away his time in tempting the marry’d; for one woman will out-do a legion of you.
For since their grandame Eve in Eden fell,
The sex has learnt the damning trade so well,
Where e’er that rules, there’s little need of hell.
