“‘Masters, I preaches under protest, against owners and ship for bandonment; but if I must put to sea, and dis niggar don’t know how to steer by lunar compass, here goes.’ Sais I, ‘My dear bredren,’ and dey all called out:
“‘You farnal niggar you! do you call us bredren, when you is as black as de debbil’s hind leg?’
“‘I beg your most massiful pardon,’ sais I, ‘but as you is ablutionists, and when you preach, calls us regraded niggars your coloured bredren, I tought I might venture to foller in de same suit, if I had a card ob same colour.’
“‘Well done, Uncle Tom,’ sais they. ‘Well done, Zip Coon,’ and dey made me swallow anoder glass ob naked truth. Dis here child has a trong head, Massa, dat are a fac. He stand so much sun, he ain’t easy combustioned in his entails.
“‘Go on,’ sais they.
“Well, my bredren,” sais I, “I will dilate to you the valy of a niggar, as put in one scale and white man in de oder. Now, bredren, you know a sparrer can’t fall to de ground no how he can fix it, but de Lord knows it—in course ob argument you do. Well, you knows twelve sparrers sell in de market for one penny. In course ob respondence you do. How much more den does de Lord care for a niggar like me, who is worth six hundred dollars and fifty cents, at de least? So, gentlemen, I is done, and now please, my bredren, I will pass round de hat wid your recurrence.’
“Well, dey was pretty high, and dey behaved like gentlemen, I must submit dat; dey gub me four dollars, dey did—dey is great friends to niggar, and great mancipationists, all ob dem; and I would hab got two dollars more, I do raily conclude, if I hadn’t a called ’em my bredren. Dat was a slip ob de lockjaw.”
“I must inquire into this,” said Cutler, “it’s the most indecent thing I ever beard of. It is downright profanity; it is shocking.”
“Very,” said I, “but the sermon warn’t a bad one; I never heerd a niggar reason before; I knew they could talk, and so can Lord Tandemberry; but as for reasoning, I never heerd either one or the other attempt it before. There is an approach to logic in that.”
“There is a very good hit at the hypocrisy of abolitionists in it,” said the doctor; “that appeal about my bredren is capital, and the passing round of the hat is quite evangelical.”