“‘Why,’ sais I, ‘if you did you would have to kick so high, you would expose one of the larger limbs.’
“‘Mr Slick,’ said she, ‘I trust you will not so far forget what is due to a lady, as to talk of showing her larger limbs, it’s not decent.’
“‘Well, I know it ain’t decent,’ said I, ‘but you said you would do it, and I just remonstrated a little, that’s all.’
“‘You was saying about London and Paris,’ said she, ‘being no place for educating young ladies in.’
“‘Yes,’ sais I, ‘that painful story of my two poor dear wives (which is ‘all in my eye,’ as plain as it was then), illustrates my theory of education in those two capitals. In London, females, who are a great deal in society in the season, like a man who drinks, can’t stop, they are at it all the time, and like him, sometimes forget the way home again. In Paris, galls are kept so much at home before marriage, when they once get out, they don’t want to enter the cage again. They are the two extremes. If ever I marry, I’ll tell you how I will lay down the law. Pleasure shall be the recreation and not the business of life with her. Home the rule—parties the exception. Duty first, amusement second. Her head-quarters shall always be in her own house, but the outposts will never be neglected.’
“‘Nothin’ like an American woman for an American man, is there?’ said she, and she drew nearer, lookin’ up in my face to read the answer, and didn’t rock so hard.
“‘It depends upon how they are brought up,’ said I, looking wise. ‘But, Liddy,’ sais I, ‘without joking, what an amazin’ small foot that is of yours. It always was, and wunst when it slipt through a branch of the cherry-tree, do you recollect my saying, Well I vow that calf was suckled by two cows? now don’t you, Liddy?’
“‘No, Sir,’ said she, ‘I don’t, though children may say many things that when they grow up they are ashamed to repeat; but I recollect now, wunst when you and I went through the long grass to the cherry-tree, your mother said, ‘Liddy, beware you are not bit by a garter-snake, and I never knew her meanin’ till now;’ and she rose up and said, ‘Mr Slick, I must bid you good morning.’
“‘Liddy,’ sais I, ‘don’t be so pesky starch, I’ll be dod fetched if I meant any harm, but you beat me all holler. I only spoke of the calf, and you went a streak higher and talked of the garter.’
“‘Sam,’ said she, ‘you was always the most impedent, forredest, and pertest boy that ever was, and travellin’ hain’t improved you one mite or morsel.’