Nature and Human Nature

by Thomas Chandler Haliburton

“‘The ‘lovely lass’ must be thrown down and scraped, for she is so foul, and her knees are all gone.’

“And so she turned away in disgust. Catch her at a pic-nic again! No, never! It appears the world is changed; girls in her day were never allowed to romp that way, and men used to have some manners. Things have come to a pretty pass!

“‘Alida, is that you, dear? You look dull.’

“‘Oh, Henrietta! I have torn my beautiful thread-lace mantilla all to rags; it’s ruined for ever. And do you know—oh, I don’t know how I shall ever dare to face ma again! I have lost her beautiful little enamelled watch. Some of these horrid branches have pulled it off the chain.’ And Alida cries and is consoled by Henrietta, who is a good-natured creature after all. She tells her for her comfort that nobody should ever think of wearing a delicate and expensive lace mantilla in the woods; she could not expect anything else than to have it destroyed; and as for exposing a beautiful gold watch outside of her dress, nobody in her senses would have thought of such a thing. Of course she was greatly comforted: kind words and a kind manner will console any one.

“It is time now to re-assemble, and the party are gathered once more; and the ladies have found their smiles again, and Alida has found her watch; and there are to be some toasts and some songs before parting. All is jollity once more, and the head of the firm and his vigilant partner and the officers have all a drop in their eye, and Henrietta is addressed by the junior partner, who is a bachelor of about her own age, and who assures her he never saw her look better; and she looks delighted, and is delighted, and thinks a pic-nic not so bad a thing after all.

“But there is a retributive justice in this world. Even pic-nic parties have their moral, and folly itself affords an example from which a wise saw may be extracted. Captain de Courlay addresses her, and after all, he has the manners and appearance of a gentleman, though it is whispered he is fond of practical jokes, pulls ‘colt ensigns’ out of bed, makes them go through their sword exercise standing shirtless in their tubs, and so on. There is one redeeming thing in the story, if it be true, he never was known to do it to a young nobleman; he is too well bred for that. He talks to her of society as it was before good-breeding was reformed out of the colonies. She is delighted; but, oh! was it stupidity, or was it insolence, or was it cruelty? he asked her if she recollected the Duke of Kent. To be sure it is only fifty-two years since he was here; but to have recollected him! How old did he suppose she was? She bears it well and meekly. It is not the first time she has been painfully reminded she was not young. She says her grandmother often spoke of him as a good officer and a handsome man; and she laughs, though her heart aches the while, as if it was a good joke to ask her. He backs out as soon as he can. He meant well, though he had expressed himself awkwardly; but to back out shows you are in the wrong stall, a place you have no business in, and being out, he thinks it as well to jog on to another place.

“Ah, Henrietta! you were unkind to Alida about her lace mantilla and her gold watch, and it has come home to you. You ain’t made of glass, and nothing else will hold vinegar long without being corroded itself.

“Well, the toasts are drunk, and the men are not far from being drunk too, and feats of agility are proposed, and they jump up and catch a springing bow, and turn a somerset on it, or over it, and they are cheered and applauded when De Courlay pauses in mid-air for a moment, as if uncertain what to do. Has the bough given way, or was that the sound of cloth rent in twain? Something has gone wrong, for he is greeted with uproarious cheers by the men, and he drops on his feet, and retires from the company as from the presence of royalty, by backing out and bowing as he goes, repeatedly stumbling, and once or twice falling in his retrograde motion.

“Ladies never lose their tact—they ask no questions because they see something is amiss, and though it is hard to subdue curiosity, propriety sometimes restrains it. They join in the general laugh however, for it can be nothing serious where his friends make merry with it. When he retires from view, his health is drank with three times three. Di, who seemed to take pleasure in annoying the spinster, said she had a great mind not to join in that toast, for he was a loose fellow, otherwise he would have rent his heart and not his garments. It is a pity a clever girl like her will let her tongue run that way, for it leads them to say things they ought not. Wit in a woman is a dangerous thing, like a doctor’s lancet, it is apt to be employed about matters that offend our delicacy, or hurt our feelings.”

“‘What the devil is that?’ said the head, of the firm, looking up, as a few drops of rain fell. ‘Why, here is a thunder-shower coming on us as sure as the world. Come, let us pack up and be off.’