“Well, I doctored and worked with him so, the most that could be perceived was a slight cold, nothin’ to mind, much less frighten you. And when I got him up to the notch, I advertised him for sale, as belonging to a person going down east, who only parted with him because he thought him too heavey for a man who never travelled less than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds. Well, he was sold at auction, and knocked down to Rip Van Dam, the Attorney-General, for five hundred dollars; and the owner put a saddle and bridle on him, and took a bet of two hundred dollars with me, he could do a mile in two minutes, fifty seconds. He didn’t know me from Adam parsonally, at the time, but he had heard of me, and bought the horse because it was said Sam Slick owned him.
“Well, he started off, and lost his bet; for when he got near the winnin’-post the horse choked, fell, and pitched the rider off half-way to Troy, and nearly died himself. The umpire handed me the money, and I dug out for the steam-boat intendin’ to pull foot for home. Just as I reached the wharf, I heard my name called out, but I didn’t let on I noticed it, and walked a-head. Presently, Van Dam seized me by the shoulder, quite out of breath, puffin’ and blowin’ like a porpoise.
“‘Mr Slick?’ said he.
“‘Yes,’ sais I, ‘what’s left of me; but good gracious,’ sais I, ‘you have got the ‘heaves.’ I hope it ain’t catchin’.’
“‘No I haven’t,’ said he, ‘but your cussed hoss has, and nearly broke my neck. You are like all the Connecticut men I ever see, a nasty, mean, long-necked, long-legged, narrow-chested, slab-sided, narrow-souled, lantern-jawed, Yankee cheat.’
“‘Well,’ sais I, ‘that’s a considerable of a long name to write on the back of a letter, ain’t it? It ain’t good to use such a swad of words, it’s no wonder you have the heaves; but I’ll cure you; I warn’t brought up to wranglin’; I hain’t time to fight you, and besides,’ said I, ‘you are broken-winded; but I’ll chuck you over the wharf into the river to cool you, boots and all, by gravy.’
“‘Didn’t you advertise,’ said he, ‘that the only reason you had to part with that horse was, that he was too heavy for a man who never travelled slower than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds?’
“‘Never!’ sais I, ‘I never said such a word. What will you bet I did?’
“‘Fifty dollars,’ said he.
“‘Done,’ said I. ‘And, Vanderbelt—(he was just going on board the steamer at the time)—Vanderbelt,’ sais I, ‘hold these stakes. Friend,’ sais I, ‘I won’t say you lie, but you talk uncommonly like the way I do when I lie. Now prove it.’