Well, down I goes, was announced and ushered in, and when he saw me, he looked me all over as a tailor does a man before he takes his measure. It made me hoppin’ mad I tell you, for in a general way I don’t allow any man to turn up his nose at me without having a shot at it. So when I sat down I spit into the fire, in a way to put it out amost, and he drew back and made a face, a leettle, just a leettle uglier than his natural one was.
“Bad habit,” sais I, “that’of spittin’, ain’t it?” lookin’ up at him as innocent as you please, and makin’ a face exactly like his.
“Very,” said he, and he gave a shudder.
Sais I, “I don’t know whether you are aware of it or not, but most bad habits are catching.”
“I should hope not,” said he, and he drew a little further off.
“Fact,” sais I; “now if you look long and often at a man that winks, it sets you a winkin’. If you see a fellow with a twitch in his face, you feel your cheek doin’ the same, and stammerin’ is catching too. Now I caught that habit at court, since I came to Europe. I dined wunst with the King of Prussia, when I was with our embassador on a visit at Berlin, and the King beats all natur in spittin’, and the noise he makes aforehand is like clearin’ a grate out with a poker, it’s horrid. Well, that’s not the worst of it, he uses that ugly German word for it, that vulgarians translate ‘spitting.’ Now some of our western people are compelled to chew a little tobacco, but like a broker tasting cheese, when testing wine, it is only done to be able to judge of the quality of the article, but even them unsophisticated, free, and enlightened citizens have an innate refinement about them. They never use that nasty word ‘spitting,’ but call it ‘expressing the ambia.’ Well, whenever his Majesty crosses my mind, I do the same out of clear sheer disgust. Some o’ them sort of uppercrust people, I call them big bugs, think they can do as they like, and use the privilege of indulging those evil habits. When folks like the king do it, I call them ‘High, low, jack, and the game.’”
Well, the stare he gave me would have made you die a larfin’. I never saw a man in my life look so skeywonaky. He knew it was true that the king had that custom, and it dumb-foundered him. He looked at me as much as to say, “Well, that is capital; the idea of a Yankee, who spits like a garden-engine, swearing it’s a bad habit he larned in Europe, and a trick he got from dining with a king, is the richest thing I ever heard in my life. I must tell that to Palmerston.”
But I didn’t let him off so easy. In the course of talk, sais he:
“Mr Slick, is it true that in South Carolina, if a free nigger, on board of one of our vessels, lands there, he is put into jail until the ship sails?” and he looked good, as much as to say, “Thank heaven I ain’t like that republican.”
“It is,” said I. “We consider a free nigger and a free Englishman on a parr; we imprison a free black, lest he should corrupt our slaves. The Duke of Tuscany imprisons a free Englishman, if he has a Bible in his possession, lest he should corrupt his slaves. It’s upon the principle, that what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.”