Nature and Human Nature

by Thomas Chandler Haliburton

‘I knew by the smoke that so gracefully curled
Above the green elms that a cottage was near;
And I said, if there’s peace to be found in the world,
The heart that is humble might hope for it here.’

“How sweet to plan, how pleasant to execute. How exciting to see it grow under one’s own eye, the work of one’s own hand, the creation of one’s own taste. It is decided on; Dechamps retires, the papers go in, the hero goes out—what a relief! no inspection of soldiers’ dirty kits—no parade by day—no guards nor rounds by night—no fatigue parties of men who never fatigue themselves—no stupid court-martial—no horrid punishments—no reviews to please a colonel who never is pleased, or a general who will swear—no marching through streets, to be stared at by housemaids from upper windows, and by dirty boys in the side paths—no procession to follow brass instruments, like the train of a circus—no bearded band-master with his gold cane to lead on his musicians, and no bearded white goat to march at the head of the regiment. All, all are gone.

“He is out of livery, he has played at soldiering long enough, he is tired of the game, he sells out, the man of business is called in, his lawyer, as he terms him, as if every gentleman kept a lawyer as he does a footman. He is in a hurry to have the purchase completed with as little delay as possible. But delays will occur, he is no longer a centurion and a man of authority, who has nothing to do but to say to this one, Come, and he cometh; and another, Go, and he goeth; Do this, and it is done. He can’t put a lawyer under arrest, he is a man of arrests himself. He never heard of an attachment for contempt, and if he had, he couldn’t understand it; for, when the devil was an attorney, he invented the term, as the softest and kindest name for the hardest and most unkind process there is. Attachment for contempt, what a mockery of Christian forgiveness!

“A conveyancer is a slow coach, he must proceed cautiously, he has a long journey to take, he has to travel back to a grant from the crown, through all the ‘mesne’ conveyances. He don’t want a mean conveyance, he will pay liberally if it is only done quickly; and is informed ‘mesne’ in law signifies intermediate. It is hard to say what the language of law does mean. Then there are searches to be made in the record offices, and the—damn the searches, for he is in a hurry and loses his patience—search at the bankers, and all will be found right. Then there are releases and assignments and discharges. He can stand it no longer, he releases his lawyer, discharges him, and assigns another, who hints, insinuates, he don’t charge; but gives him to understand his predecessor was idle. He will lose no time, indeed he has no time to lose, he is so busy with other clients’ affairs, and is as slow as the first man was.

“But at last it is done; the titles are completed. He is presented with a huge pile of foolscap paper, very neatly folded, beautifully engrossed and endorsed in black letters, and nicely tied up with red tape, which, with sundry plans, surveys, and grants, are secured in a large despatch box, on which are inscribed in gold letters the ‘Epaigwit estate.’ It is a pretty Indian word that, it means the ‘home on the wave.’ It is the original name of that gem of the western ocean which the vulgar inhabitants have christened Prince Edward’s Island.

“But what can you expect of a people whose governor calls the gentry ‘the upper crust of society,’ and who in their turn see an affinity between a Scotch and a Roman fiddle, and denounce him as a Nero? But then who looks, as he says, for taste in a colony? it is only us Englishmen who have any. Yes, he calls this place ‘Epaigwit.’ It has a distingué appearance on his letters. It has now a name, the next thing is ‘a local habitation.’ Well, we won’t stop to describe it, but it has an elegant drawing-room, if there was only company to collect in it, a spacious dining-room, and though only two plates are on the table there is room for twenty, and a charming study, only awaiting his leisure to enjoy it, and so on.

“It is done and the design carried out, though not completed; prudence forbids a further expenditure just now. It has cost five times as much as was contemplated, and is not worth a tenth part of the outlay, still it is very beautiful. Strangers go to see it, and every one pronounces it the prettiest thing in the Lower provinces. There have been some little drawbacks, but they are to be expected in a colony, and among the Goths and Vandals who live there. The contractors have repudiated their agreement on account of the extensive alterations made in the design and the nature of the work, and he has found there is law in the country if not justice. The servants find it too lonely, they have no taste for the beauties of nature, and remain without work, or quit without notice. If he refuses to pay he is sued, if he pays he is cheated. The house leaks, for the materials are green; the chimneys smoke, for the drafts are in the wrong place. The children are tormented by black flies and musquitoes, and their eyes are so swelled they can’t see. The bears make love to his sheep, and the minks and foxes devour his poultry. The Indians who come to beg are supposed to come to murder, and the negroes who come to sell wild berries are suspected of coming to steal. He has no neighbours, he did not desire any, and if a heavy weight has to be lifted, it is a little, but not much, inconvenience to send to the town for assistance; and the people go cheerfully, for they have only five miles to come, and five to return, and they are not detained more than five minutes, for he never asks them into his house. The butcher won’t come so far to carry his meat, nor the baker his bread, nor the postman to deliver his letters.

“The church is too far off, and there is no school. But the clergyman is not fit to be heard, he is such a drone in the pulpit; and it is a sweet employment to train one’s own children, who thus avoid contamination by not associating with vulgar companions.

“These are trifling vexations, and what is there in this life that has not some little drawback? But there is something very charming in perfect independence, in living for each other, and in residing in one of the most delightful spots in America, surrounded by the most exquisite scenery that was ever beheld. There is one thing however that is annoying. The country people will not use or adopt that pretty word Epaigwit, ‘the home of the wave,’ which rivals in beauty of conception an eastern expression. The place was originally granted to a fellow of the name of Umber, who was called after the celebrated navigator Cook. These two words when united soon became corrupted, and the magnificent sheet of water was designated ‘the Cucumber Lake,’ while its splendid cataract, known in ancient days by the Indians as the ‘Pan-ook,’ or ‘the River’s Leap,’ is perversely called by way of variation ‘the Cowcumber Falls;’ can anything be conceived more vulgar or more vexatious, unless it be their awkward attempt at pronunciation, which converts Epaigwit into ‘a pig’s wit,’ and Pan-ook into ‘Pond-hook?’

“But then, what can you expect of such boors, and who cares, or what does it matter? for after all, if you come to that, the ‘Cumberland Lakes’ is not very euphonious, as he calls it, whatever that means. He is right in saying it is a beautiful place, and, as he often observes, what an immense sum of money it would be worth if it were only in England! but the day is not far distant, now that the Atlantic is bridged by steamers, when ‘bag-men’ will give place to tourists, and ‘Epaigwit’ will be the ‘Killarney’ of America. He is quite right, that day will come, and so will the millennium, but it is a good way off yet; and dear old Minister used to say there was no dependable authority that it ever would come at all.