“Peradventure I was wrong,” he replied, “and if so, I repent me of it.”
“Of a certainty thee was, friend. Thee sayest thy name is Jehu; now he was a hard rider, and it may be thee drivest a hard bargain, if so, go thy ways, for thee cannot ‘make seed-corn off of me;’ if not, tarry here till this company goeth, and then I will talk to thee touching the thing called mackarel. Wilt thee sit by the fire till the quaker ceaseth his dancing, and perhaps thee may learn what those words mean, ‘and the heart danceth for joy,’ or it may be thee will return to thy vessel, and trade in the morning.”
“No man knoweth,” he said, “what an hour may bring forth; I will bide my time.”
“The night is cold at this season,” said Peter, who considered that the laws of hospitality required him to offer the best he had in his house to a stranger, so he produced some spirits, as the most acceptable thing he possessed, and requested him to help himself.
“I care not if I do,” he said, “for my pledge extendeth not so far as this,” and he poured himself out a tumbler of brandy and water, that warn’t half-and-half, but almost the whole hog. Oh, gummy, what a horn! it was strong enough almost to throw an ox over a five-bar gate. It made his eyes twinkle, I tell you, and he sat down and began to look as if he thought the galls pretty.
“Come, Peter,” said I, “strike up, the stranger will wait awhile.”
“Will she dance,” said he, “tam her.”
“No,” said I, but I whispered to the doctor, “he will reel soon,” at which he folded his arms across his breast and performed his gyrations as before. Meanwhile Cutler and Frazer, and two of the girls, commenced dancing jigs, and harmony was once more restored. While they were thus occupied, I talked over the arrangements for our excursion on the morrow with Jessie, and the doctor entered into a close examination of Jehu Judd, as to the new asphalt mines in his province. He informed him of the enormous petrified trunks of palm-trees that have been found while exploring the coal-fields, and warmed into eloquence as he enumerated the mineral wealth and great resources of that most beautiful colony. The doctor expressed himself delighted with the information he had received, whereupon Jehu rose and asked him in token of amity to pledge him in a glass of Peter’s excellent cognac, and without waiting for a reply, filled a tumbler and swallowed it at one gulp.
My, what a pull that was. Thinks I to myself, “Friend, if that don’t take the wrinkles out of the parchment case of your conscience, then I don’t know nothin’, that’s all.” Oh dear, how all America is overrun with such cattle as this; how few teach religion, or practise it right. How hard it is to find the genuine article. Some folks keep the people in ignorance, and make them believe the moon is made of green cheese; others, with as much sense, fancy the world is. One has old saints, the other invents new ones. One places miracles at a distance, t’other makes them before their eyes, while both are up to mesmerism. One says there is no marryin’ in Paradise, the other says, if that’s true, it’s hard, and it is best to be a mormon and to have polygamy here. Then there is a third party who says, neither of you speak sense, it is better to believe nothin’ than to give yourself up to be crammed. Religion, Squire, ain’t natur, because it is intended to improve corrupt natur, it’s no use talkin’ therefore, it can’t be left to itself, otherwise it degenerates into something little better than animal instinct. It must be taught, and teaching must have authority as well as learning. There can be no authority where there is no power to enforce, and there can be no learning where there is no training. If there must be normal schools to qualify schoolmasters, there must be Oxfords and Cambridges to qualify clergymen. At least that’s my idea. Well, if there is a qualified man, he must be supported while he is working. But if he has to please his earthly employer, instead of obeying his heavenly Master, the better he is qualified the more dangerous he is. If he relies on his congregation, the order of things is turned upside down. He serves mammon, and not God. If he does his duty he must tell unpleasant truths, and then he gets a walkin’ ticket. Who will hire a servant, pay him for his time, find a house for him to live in, and provide him in board, if he has a will of his own, and won’t please his employer by doin’ what he is ordered to do? I don’t think you would, Squire, and I know I wouldn’t.
No, a fixed, settled church, like ourn, or yours, Squire, is the best. There is safe anchorage ground in them, and you don’t go draggin’ your flukes with every spurt of wind, or get wrecked if there is a gale that rages round you. There is something strong to hold on to. There are good buoys, known landmarks, and fixed light-houses, so that you know how to steer, and not helter-skelter lights movin’ on the shore like will-o’-the whisps, or wreckers’ false fires, that just lead you to destruction. The medium between the two churches, for the clergy, would be the right thing. In yours they are too independent of the people, with us a little too dependent. But we are coming up to the notch by making moderate endowments, which will enable the minister to do what is right, and not too large to make him lazy or careless. Well then, in neither of them is a minister handed over to a faction to try. Them that make the charges ain’t the judges, which is a Magna Charta for him.