“No, there, is no good oratory to parliament now, and the English brag so, I doubt if it ever was so good, as they say it was in old times. At any rate, it’s all got down to “Bunkum” now. It’s makin’ a speech for newspapers and not for the House. It’s to tell on voters and not on members. Then, what a row they make, don’t they? Hear, hear, hear; divide, divide, divide; oh, oh, oh; haw, haw, haw. It tante much different from stump oratory in America arter all, or speakin’ off a whiskey barrel, is it? It’s a sort of divil me-kear-kind o’ audience; independent critters, that look at a feller full in the face, as sarcy as the divil; as much as to say, ‘Talk away, my old ‘coon, you won’t alter me, I can tell you, it’s all Bunkum.’
“Lord, I shall never forget poor old Davy Crocket’s last speech; there was no “bunkum” in that. He despised it; all good shots do, they aim right straight for the mark and hit it. There’s no shootin’ round the ring, with them kinder men. Poor old feller, he was a great hunter; a great shot with the rifle, a great wit, and a great man. He didn’t leave his span behind him, when he slipt off the handle, I know.
“Well he stood for an election and lost it, just afore he left the States; so when it was over, he slings his powder horn on, over his shoulders, takes his “Betsey,” which was his best rifle, onder his arm, and mounts on a barrel, to talk it into his constituents, and take leave of ‘em.
“‘Feller citizens,’ sais he, ‘we’ve had a fair stand-up fight for it, and I’m whipped, that are a fact; and thar is no denyin’ of it. I’ve come now to take my leave of you. You may all go to H—l, and I’ll go to Texas.’
“And he stepped right down, and went over the boundary, and jined the patriots agin Mexico, and was killed there.
“Why it will never be forgot, that speech. It struck into the bull’s eye of the heart. It was noble. It said so much in a few words, and left the mind to fill the gaps up. The last words is a sayin’ now, and always will be, to all etarnity. Whenever a feller wants to shew how indifferent he is, he jist sais, ‘you may go to (hem, hem, you know,) and I’ll go to Texas.’ There is no Bunkum in that, Squire.
“Yes, there is no good speakin’ there, speakin’ is no use. Every feller is pledged and supports his party. A speech don’t alter no man’s opinions; yes it may alter his opinions, but it don’t alter his vote, that ain’t his’n, it’s his party’s. Still, there is some credit in a good speech, and some fun too. No feller there has any ridicule; he has got no ginger in him, he can neither crack his whip, nor lay it on; he can neither cut the hide nor sting it. Heavens! if I was there I and I’m sure it’s no great boastin’ to say I’m better than such fellers, as them small fry of white bait is. If I was there, give me a good subject like that to-night, give me a good horn of lignum vitae—”
“Lignum vitae—what’s that?”
“Lord-o-massy on us! you don’t know nothin’, Squire. Where have you been all your born days, not to know what lignum vitae is? why lignum vitae, is hot brandy and water to be sure, pipin’ hot, scald an iron pot amost, and spiced with cloves and sugar in it, stiff enough to make a tea-spoon stand up in it, as straight as a dead nigger. Wine ain’t no good, it goes off as quick as the white beads off of champaign does, and then leaves a stupid head-ache behind it. But give me the subject and a horn of lignum vitae (of the wickedest kind), and then let a feller rile me, so as to get my back up like a fightin’ cat’s, and I’ll tell you what I’d do, I’d sarve him as our Slickville boys sarve the cows to California. One on ‘em lays hold of the tail, and the other skins her as she runs strait an eend. Next year, it’s all growed ready for another flayin’. Fact, I assure you. Lord! I’d skin a feller so, his hide would never grow agin; I’d make a caution of him to sinners, I know.
“Only hear them fellers now talk of extendin’ of the representation; why the house is a mob now, plaguy little better, I assure you. Like the house in Cromwell’s time, they want “Sam Slick’s” purge. But talkin’ of mobs, puts me in mind of a Swoi-ree, I told you I’d describe that to you, and I don’t care if I do now, for I’ve jist got my talkin’ tacks aboard. A Swoi-ree is—