“‘Certainly,’ said I, ‘you shall have the fifty pounds, but you must give me a receipt in full for it.’
“‘By all means,’ said he, and he was a cuttin’ off full chisel to get a stamp, when I sais, ‘Stop,’ sais I, ‘uncle, mind and put in the receipt, the bill of items, and charge ‘em separate?’
“‘Bill of items? sais he.
“‘Yes,’ sais I, ‘let me see what each is to get. Well, there’s the waiter, now. Say to knockin’ down the waiter and kicking him, so much; then there’s the barmaid so much, and so on. I make no objection, I am willin’ to pay all you ask, but I want to include all, for I intend to post a copy of it in the elegant cabins of each of our splendid New York Liners. This house convenes the Americans—they all know me. I want them to know how their Attache was imposed on, and if any American ever sets foot in this cussed house agin I will pay his bill, and post that up too, as a letter of credit for him.’
“‘You wouldn’t take that advantage of me, Sir?’ said he.
“‘I take no advantage,’ sais I. ‘I’ll pay you what you ask, but you shall never take advantage agin of another free and enlightened American citizen, I can tell you.’
“‘You must keep your money then, Sir,’ said he, ‘but this is not a fair deal; no gentleman would do it.’
“‘What’s fair, I am willin’ to do,’ sais I; ‘what’s onfair, is what you want to do. Now, look here: I knocked the waiter down; here is two sovereigns for him; I won’t pay him nothin’ for the kickin’, for that I give him out of contempt, for not defendin’ of himself. Here’s three sovereigns for the bar-maid; she don’t ought to have nothin’, for she never got so innocent a kiss afore, in all her born days I know, for I didn’t mean no harm, and she never got so good a one afore nother, that’s a fact; but then I ought to pay, I do suppose, because I hadn’t ought to treat a lady that way; it was onhansum’, that’s fact; and besides, it tante right to give the galls a taste for such things. They come fast enough in the nateral way, do kisses, without inokilatin’ folks for ‘em. And here’s a sovereign for the scoldin’ and siscerarin’ you gave the maid, that spilt the coals and that’s an eend of the matter, and I don’t want no receipt.’
“Well, he bowed and walked off, without sayin’ of a word.”
Here Mr. Hopewell joined us, and we descended to the street, to commence our perambulation of the city; but it had begun to rain, and we were compelled to defer it until the next day.