——discern, prescribe, apply,
And cure——
My learned friend, Dr Timothy Triangle perusing the manuscript of this my pithy petition, discovered that my description of the modus operandi on the insect as above, compared with the celebrated “veni, vidi, vici,” as a specimen of fine writing, is superior in the direct proportion of four to three; consequently Dr Caustic has advanced one step higher in the climax of sublimity than Julius Cesar.
Could match OURSELF at second sight.
That your worships may be able to form something like an idea of the wonderful ken of our mental optics, it will be necessary to con with diligence the opinions of Dr Johnson on this subject, as expressed in his tour to the Hebrides. The Doctor there tells us, that though he “never could advance his curiosity to conviction, yet he came away at last, willing to believe.” But we would have all those who anticipate the deriving any advantage from our slight at second seeing, not only willing, but absolutely predetermined to “believe,” positive evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.
Foreseeing things which never will be.
Yes, gentlemen; among other great and wonderful events which we foretold, but which never have happened, and moreover never will happen, was the restoration of the Jews by the intervention of that renowned pacificator, Buonaparte. We first prophecied, and many men of our cast who had a knack at prying into futurity, echoed our prediction, that the pious emperor of the Gauls would make Jerusalem the head quarters of the Millennium, and under our auspices many a wandering Jew was recruited, and stood in readiness to march at a moment’s warning to take possession of his patrimonial property.