We set out from Ashford at ten, and was two hours getting to Bumper Daggle Bottom Common, but it’s full six mile. The Bumper Daggle’s dress is rather handsome and fighting like—blue, having a turn-up with white, and we might have been called cap-a-pee, but Mr. P., the contractor of our caps, made them all too small for our heads. Luckily the clothes fit, except Mr. Lambert’s, who couldn’t find a jacket big enough; but he scorned to shrink, and wore it loose on his shoulder like a hussar. As for arms, we had all sorts, and as regards horses, I am sorry to say all sorts of legs—what with splints, and quitters, and ring-bone, and grease. The Major’s, I noticed, had a bad spavin, and was no better for being fired with a ramrod, which old Clinker, the blacksmith, forgot to take out of his piece.
SEEING A REVIEW.
We mustard very strong,—about sixty—besides two volunteers, one an invalid, because he had been ordered to ride for exercise, and the other because he had nothing else to do, and he did nothing when he came. We must have been a disagreeable site to eyes as is unaffected towards Government,—though how Hopper’s horse would behave in putting down riots I can’t guess, for he did nothing but make revolutions himself, as if he was still in the thrashing mill. But you know yeomanry an’t reglers, and can’t be expected to be veterans all at once. The worst of our mistakes was about the cullers. Old Ensign Cobb, of the White Horse, has a Political Union club meets at his house, and when he came to unfurl, he had brought the wrong flag: instead of “Royal Bumper Daggle,” it was “No Boromongers.” It made a reglar horse laugh among the cavalry; and old Cobb took such dudgeon at us, he deserted home to the White Horse, and cut the concern without drawing a sword. The Captain ordered Jack Blower to sound the recall to him, but some wag on the rout had stuck a bung up his trumpet; and he gallopped off just as crusty about it as old Cobb. Our next trouble was with Simkin, but you know he is anything but Simkin and Martial. He rid one of his own docked waggon-horses—but for appearance sake had tied on a long regulation false tale, that made his horse kick astonishing, till his four loose shoes flew off like a game at koits. Of course nobody liked to stand nigh him, and he was obliged to be drawn up in single order by himself, but not having any one to talk to, he soon got weary of it, and left the ground. This was some excuse for him—but not for Dale, that deserted from his company,—some said his horse bolted with him, but I’ll swear I seed him spur. Up to this we had only one more deserter, and that was Marks, on his iron-gray mare, for she heard her foal whinnying at home, and attended to that call more than to a deaf and dumb trumpet. Biggs didn’t come at all; he had his nag stole that very morning, as it was waiting for him, pistols and all.
What with these goings off and gaps our ranks got in such disorder that the Earl, tho’ he is a Tory, was obliged to act as a rank Reformer. We got into line middling well, as far as the different sizes of our horses would admit, and the Duke rode up and down us, and I am sorry to say was compelled to a reprimand. Morgan Giles had been at a fox-hunt the day before, and persisted in wearing the brush as a feather in his cap. As fox tails isn’t regulation, his Grace ordered it out, but Morgan was very high, and at last threw up his commission into a tree and trotted home to Wickham Hall, along with private Dick, who, as Morgan’s whipper in, thought he was under obligations to follow his master.
We got thro’ sword exercise decent well,—only Barber shaved Croft’s mare with his saber, which he needn’t have done, as she was clipt before; and Holdsworth slashed off his cob’s off ear. It was cut and run with her in course; and I hope he got safe home. We don’t know what Hawksley might have thrusted, as his sword objected to be called out in wet weather, and stuck to its sheath like pitch; but he went thro’ all the cuts very correct with his umbrella. For my own part, candour compels to state I swished off my left hand man’s feather; but tho’ it might have been worse, and I apologised as well as I could for my horse fretting, he was foolish enough to huff at, and swear was done on purpose, and so gallopped home, I suspect, to write me a calling out challenge. Challenge or not, if I fight him with anything but fists, I’m not one of the Yeomanry. An accident’s an accident, and much more pardonable than Hawksley opening his umbrella plump in the face of the Captain’s blood charger; and ten times more mortifying for an officer to be carried back willy-nilly to Ashford, in the middle of the Review. Luckily before Hawksley frightened any more, he was called off to hold his umbrella over Mrs. H., as Mrs. Morgan had taken in nine ladies, and could not accommodate more in her close carriage, without making it too close.
After sword exercise we shot pistols, and I must say, very well and distinct; only, old Dunn didn’t fire; but he’s deaf as a post, and I wonder how he was called out. Talking of volleys, I am sorry to say we fired one before without word of command; but it was all thro’ Day on his shooting pony putting up a partridge, and in the heat of the moment letting fly, and as he is our fugleman we all did the same. Lucky for the bird it was very strong on the wing, or the troop must have brought it down; howsomever the Earl looked very grave, and said something that Day didn’t choose to take from him, being a qualified man, and taking out a reglar license, so he went off to his own ground, where he might shoot without being called to account. Contrary to reason and expectation, there was very few horses shied at the firing; but we saw Bluff lying full length, and was afraid it was a bust; but we found his horse, being a very quiet one, had run away from the noise. He was throwd on his back in the mud, but refused to leave the ground. Being a man of spirit, and military inclind, he got up behind Bates; but Bates’s horse objecting to such back-gammon, reared and threw doublets. As his knees was broke, Bates and Bluff was forced to lead him away, and the troop lost two more men, tho’ for once against their own wills.
As for Roper he had bragged how he could stand fire, but seeing a great light over the village, he set off full Swing to look after his ricks and barns.
The next thing to be done was charging, and between you and me, I was most anxious about that, as many of us could only ride up to a certain pitch. As you’ve often been throwd you’ll know what I mean: to tell the truth, when the word came, I seed some lay hold of their saddles, but Barnes had better have laid hold of anything else in the world, for it turn’d round with him at the first start. Simpkin fell at the same time insensibly, but the doctor dismounted and was very happy to attend him without making any charge whatever. All the rest went off gallantly, either gallopping or cantering, tho’ as they say at Canterbury races, their was some wonderful tailing on account of the difference of the nags. Grimsby’s mare was the last of the lot, and for her backwardness in charging we called her the Mare of Bristol, but he took the jest no better than Cobb did, and when we wheel’d to the right he was left. Between friends, I was not sorry when the word came to pull up,—such crossing, and josling, and foul riding; but two farmers seemed to like it, for they never halted when the rest did, but gallopped on out of sight. I have since heard they had matched their two nags the day before to run two miles for a sovereign; I don’t think a sovereign should divert a man from his king: but I can’t write the result as they newer came back,—I suppose on account of the wet. The rains, to speak cavalry like, had got beyond bearing rains; and when we formed line again it was like a laundress’s clothes line, for there wasn’t a dry shirt on it. One man on a lame horse rode particularly restive, and objected in such critical weather to a long review. He wouldn’t be cholera morbus’d, he said, for Duke or Devil, but should put his horse up, and go home by the blue Stage; by way of answer he was ordered to give up his arms and his jacket, which he did very off hand, as it was wet thro’. Howsomever it was thought prudent to dispense with us till fine weather, so we was formed into a circle—9 bobble square, and the Duke thanked us in a short speech for being so regular, and loyal, and soldier-like, after which every man that had kept his seat gave three cheers.