“How do you mean?” said Tom.
“Why that 'Choughs' business—I'll be hanged if it won't kill you, or make a devil of you before long, if you go on with it.”
“It's not far from that now.”
“So I see—and I'll tell you what, you're not the sort of fellow to go in for this kind of thing. You'd better leave it to cold-blooded brutes, like some we know—I needn't mention names.”
“I'm awfully wretched, Drysdale; I've been a brute my self to you and everybody of late.”
“Well, I own I don't like the new side of you. Now make up your mind to cut the whole concern, old fellow,” he said, coming up goodnaturedly, and putting his hand on Tom's shoulder, “it's hard to do, I dare say, but you had better make a plunge and get it over. There's wickedness enough going about without your helping to shove another one into it.”
Tom groaned as he listened, but he felt that the man was trying to help him in his own way, and according to his light, as Drysdale went on expounding his own curious code of morality. When it was ended, he shook Drysdale's hand, and, wishing him good night, went back to his own rooms. The first step upwards towards the light had been made,—for he felt thoroughly humbled before the man on whom he had expended in his own mind so much patronizing pity for the last half year—whom he had been fancying he was influencing for good.
During the long hours of the night the scenes of the last few hours, of the last few days, came back to him and burnt into his soul. The gulf yawned before him now plain enough, open at his feet—black, ghastly. He shuddered at it, wondering if he should even yet fall in, felt wildly about for strength to stand firm, to retrace his steps; but found it not. He found not yet the strength he was in search of, but in the grey morning he wrote a short note:—
“I shall not be able to take you to Abingdon fair to-day. You will not see me perhaps for some days. I am not well.
“I am very sorry. Don't think that I am changed. Don't be unhappy, or I don't know what I may do.” There was no address and no signature to the note.