Avis au Voyageur.
Imprimis. If you contemplate walking o'er Salisbury Plain, Consult Mr. Murphy, or Moore, and refrain From selecting a day when it's likely to rain! 2o. When trav'lling, don't "flash" Your notes or your cash Before other people—it's foolish and rash! 3o. At dinner be cautious, and note well your party;— There's little to dread where the appetite's hearty,— But mind and look well to your purse and your throttle When you see a man shirking, and passing his bottle! 4o. If you chance to be needy, Your coat and hat seedy, In war-time especially, never go out When you've reason to think there's a press-gang about! 5o. Don't chatter, nor tell people all that you think, Nor blab secrets,—especially when you're in drink,— But keep your own counsel in all that you do! —Or a Counsel may, some day or other, keep you. 6o. Discard superstition!—and don't take a post, If you happen to see one at night, for a Ghost! —Last of all, if by choice, or convenience, you're led, To cut a man's throat, or demolish his head, Don't do it in a thunderstorm—wait for the summer! And mind, above all things, the Man's not a Drummer!!
Among a bundle of letters I find one from Sucklethumbkin, dated from London, and containing his version of perhaps the greatest theatrical Civil War since the celebrated "O. P. row." As the circumstances are now become matter of history, and poor Doldrum himself has been, alas! for some time the denizen of a far different "House," I have ventured to preserve it. Perhaps it may be unnecessary to add, that my Honourable friend has of late taken to Poetry, and goes without his cravat.
[A ROW IN AN OMNIBUS (BOX).]
A LEGEND OF THE HAYMARKET.
Omnibus hoc vitium cantoribus.—Hor.
Dol-drum the Manager sits in his chair, With a gloomy brow and dissatisfied air, And he says as he slaps his hands on his knee, "I'll have nothing to do with Fiddle-de-dee!"
—"But Fiddle-de-dee sings clear and loud, And his trills and his quavers astonish the crowd; Such a singer as he You'll nowhere see; They'll all be screaming for Fiddle-de-dee!"—"Though Fiddle-de-dee sings loud and clear, And his tones are sweet, yet his terms are dear! The 'glove won't fit!' The deuce a bit. I shall give an engagement to Fal-de-ral-tit!"