An engagement may be announced soon after it is entered upon, or not until several weeks before the marriage. Usually the engagement is known to the two families some time in advance of the later formal announcement. This is to save the girl embarrassment in case it is broken off. Should this happen, the young man takes the blame upon himself, declaring the young lady discarded him. Only an out-and-out cad would intimate to anyone that he "threw her over."
The announcement of the engagement comes through the girl's family; the man waits until it is their pleasure to make it known. The usual way is for the girl and her mother to write notes to relatives and close friends. The man, of course, will know when this is done, and may send notes to his relatives and friends, or acquaint them by word of mouth, at the same date. No special form is employed for such notes; they are always informal and familiar.
How Disclosed.—Sometimes a girl announces her engagement to her most intimate girl friends at a small tea or luncheon her mother or some relative gives for her. In this case the decorations are suggestive. Heart-shaped place cards, decorated with the entwined initials of the two parties; pink flowers, banked in heart-shape and pierced with silver arrows, for a centerpiece, and sandwiches and cakes in heart shape, the latter decorated in pink, are often used. At each plate may be a small cluster of pink carnations, tied with narrow ribbons, one end connecting with an arrow in the centerpiece. When these are drawn out some appropriate sentiment is found attached, which is read aloud by the guest.
Any novel form may be employed in communicating the joyous intelligence. Midway the repast some friend previously selected for the honor may propose a health to the two who are betrothed; someone may ask a moment's indulgence while she reads an interesting paragraph from a letter, or a mock telegram may be delivered. Congratulations are in order; sometimes the fiance has been held in reserve, and is brought in to share with his fiancee the good wishes of her friends.
730 MOTHERS' REMEDIES
All who receive notes are expected to call in person or send letters of congratulation. Flowers are often sent, and dinners, theater parties, and other entertainments given for the young couple. Engagement gifts are often given; china being a favorite choice, though any gift is in order.
After the Announcement.—Immediately upon the announcement of the engagement the parents of the young man call upon his fiancee and her mother, whether previously acquainted or not. His family takes the initiative in the exchange of hospitality which follows. Calls are to be returned within a week. In case the man's family live at a distance, the members should at once write cordial, kindly letters to the girl, to which she must reply within a few days. She should not "gush" but should show her desire to know them, and a cordial and friendly feeling. The prospective mother-in-law may invite the girl to visit her. She should remember that no matter how welcome the alliance she is under inspection, as it were, and do her best, through courtesy and tact and friendliness to create a favorable impression.
The Girl's Behavior.—The engagement ring is not worn until the engagement is announced. If the young man's means permit, it is usually as handsome a diamond solitaire as he can afford. No womanly girl would wish her fiance to go in debt to purchase her ring. Should it be less handsome than she had hoped or expected, she should not give the slightest evidence of disappointment. That would seem mercenary and grasping. Nevertheless, a girl does doubtless get much more joy out of her engagement ring than she does out of her wedding ring.
Though a girl may receive from her affianced gifts of jewelry, silver, etc., as well as the bonbons, books and flowers she was privileged to accept before her engagement, it is not in good taste for him to offer any article of wearing apparel to her. He is not to buy clothes for her until after their marriage. Nothing that cannot be returned to him uninjured in case the engagement is broken is really correct for her to receive.
She will naturally receive many notes, letters, etc., from her fiance, especially if he is called out of town often, or resides in another city. The inexperienced, very-much-in-love girl is quite likely to write very ardent and affectionate letters. Leave that to the man. If she knows her Thackeray she will remember the rose-colored billet-doux poor Amelia used to write to her George, and which lay unopened day after day, and will model her missives upon the style of Lucy Snowe's to the Professor—"a morsel of ice, flavored with ever so slight a zest of sweetness." Let her make them bright, chatty, kindly, but not too tender.