The use of French words and phrases is to be avoided, both in writing and speaking. Generally they are mispronounced—as in the case of the very affected lady who spoke of "Mrs. Brown, nee Smith," pronouncing "nee" as if spelled "knee."
Form of Address.—To acquaintances, a woman speaks of "my husband"; to friends, she calls him by his Christian name. To servants, he is "Mr. Smith." This is a rule often violated, so often in fact, that few are aware of the impropriety of saying "Mr. Smith" to friends and acquaintances. The man employs the converse of the rule; it is "my wife" to acquaintances, etc. To speak of a daughter as "Miss Mary" or "Miss Jane" to anyone but a servant is insulting, placing the person thus spoken to on a par with an inferior. If formality is desirable one should say "my daughter Mary." The same rule applies to a son.
It has already been said that we do not address a wife by her husband's title. He is Dr. Brown; she is Mrs. Brown. Mrs. General, Mrs. Judge, are not current in polite circles.
We do not use "Sir" in addressing equals. Children no longer say "sir" or "ma'am" to their parents, but "Yes, father," or "No mother." Ma'am is seldom heard now except from old-fashioned servants. Maids and men-servants say "yes, Mrs. Smith," or sometimes, "No, madam."
Courtesy in Conversation.—"Things said for conversation are chalk eggs," said Emerson. There are many chalk eggs on the market. Most of us feel that to "be sociable" we must talk incessantly. True, there are sometimes dreadful pauses in conversation when no one seems able to think of anything to say, and the longer the pause the more vacuous one's mind.
What passes for conversation at receptions, dinners, ordinary social affairs, is merely chatter made up, of persiflage and repartee. One must be able to furnish it, however, for small talk is conversational "small change," without which it is not easy to "do business." Lacking it, one is like Mark Twain's man with the million dollar check and not change enough to buy a postage stamp.
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SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION.
No one can tell another person what to talk about. Advice on that subject is valueless. There are some things we may do, however, to make ourselves agreeable in conversation. We may study the art of expressing ourselves clearly,—saying what we wish to say without circumlocution. Some people seem to begin in the middle of a subject and talk both ways.
Avoid personalities in your conversation. Don't talk about yourself; nobody is interested in your personal perplexities and troubles. Don't recite your "symptoms" nor tell what the doctor says, nor what diet he has prescribed. Nothing, positively nothing, is so tiresome. Don't indulge in animadversions upon the absent, nor make sarcastic remarks about them.