In the meantime he found, as he had often done before, that the more his mind was troubled, the more Madeira he could drink without disordering his head.
CHAPTER XXVII
LOVE IN MEMORY
Il faut avoir aimé une fois en sa vie, non pour le moment où
l'on aime, car on n'éprouve alors que des tourmens, des
regrets, de la jalousie: mais peu à peu ces tourmens-là
deviennent des souvenirs, qui charment notre arrière
saison:... et quand vous verrez la vieillesse douce, facile
et tolérante, vous pourrez dire comme Fontenelle: L'amour a
passé par-la.
—Scribe: La Vieille.
Miss Gryll carefully avoided being alone with Mr. Falconer, in order not to give him an opportunity of speaking on the forbidden subject. She was confident that she had taken the only course which promised to relieve her from a life of intolerable suspense; but she wished to subject her conduct to dispassionate opinion, and she thought she could not submit it to a more calmly-judging person than her old spinster friend, Miss Ilex, who had, moreover, the great advantage of being a woman of the world. She therefore took an early opportunity of telling her what had passed between herself and Mr. Falconer, and asking her judgment on the point.
Miss Ilex. Why, my dear, if I thought there had been the slightest chance of his ever knowing his own mind sufficiently to come to the desired conclusion himself, I should have advised your giving him a little longer time; but as it is clear to me that he never would have done so, and as you are decidedly partial to him, I think you have taken the best course which was open to you. He had all but declared to you more than once before; but this 'all but' would have continued, and you would have sacrificed your life to him for nothing.
Miss Gryll. But do you think you would in my case have done as I did?
Miss Ilex. No, my dear, I certainly should not; for, in a case very similar, I did not. It does not follow that I was right. On the contrary, I think you are right, and I was wrong. You have shown true moral courage where it was most needed.
Miss Gryll. I hope I have not revived any displeasing recollections.