The first Act opens in a very awful manner—Time, three o'clock in the morning—Scene, the Bourbon Chamber[2] in Carleton House— Enter the Prince Regent solus—After a few broken sentences, he thus exclaims:—
Away—Away—
Thou haunt'st my fancy so, thou devilish Book,
I meet thee—trace thee, whereso'er I look.
I see thy damned ink in Eldon's brows—
I see thy foolscap on my Hertford's Spouse—
Vansittart's head recalls thy leathern case,
And all thy blank-leaves stare from R—d—r's face!
While, turning here (laying his hand on his heart,)
I find, ah wretched elf,
Thy List of dire Errata in myself.
(Walks the stage in considerable agitation.)
Oh Roman Punch! oh potent Curaçoa!
Oh Mareschino! Mareschino oh!
Delicious drams! why have you not the art
To kill this gnawing Book-worm in my heart?
He is here interrupted in his Soliloquy by perceiving on the ground some scribbled fragments of paper, which he instantly collects, and "by the light of two magnificent candelabras" discovers the following unconnected words, "Wife neglected"—"the Book"—"Wrong Measures"—"the Queen"—"Mr. Lambert"—"the Regent."
Ha! treason in my house!—Curst words, that wither My princely soul, (shaking the papers violently) what Demon brought you hither? "My Wife;"—"the Book" too!—stay—a nearer look— (holding the fragments closer to the Candelabras) Alas! too plain, B, double O, K, Book— Death and destruction!
He here rings all the bells, and a whole legion of valets enter. A scene of cursing and swearing (very much in the German style) ensues, in the course of which messengers are despatched, in different directions, for the Lord Chancellor, the Duke of Cumberland, etc. The intermediate time is filled up by another Soliloquy, at the conclusion of which the aforesaid Personages rush on alarmed; the Duke with his stays only half-laced, and the Chancellor with his wig thrown hastily over an old red night-cap, "to maintain the becoming splendor of his office."[3] The Regent produces the appalling fragments, upon which the Chancellor breaks out into exclamations of loyalty and tenderness, and relates the following portentous dream:
'Tis scarcely two hours since
I had a fearful dream of thee, my Prince!—
Methought I heard thee midst a courtly crowd
Say from thy throne of gold, in mandate loud,
"Worship my whiskers!"—(weeps) not a knee was there
But bent and worshipt the Illustrious Pair,
Which curled in conscious majesty! (pulls out his handkerchief)—
while cries
Of "Whiskers; whiskers!" shook the echoing skies.—
Just in that glorious hour, me-thought, there came,
With looks of injured pride, a Princely Dame
And a young maiden, clinging by her side,
As if she feared some tyrant would divide
Two hearts that nature and affection tied!
The Matron came—within her right hand glowed
A radiant torch; while from her left a load
Of Papers hung—(wipes his eyes) collected in her veil—
The venal evidence, the slanderous tale,
The wounding hint, the current lies that pass
From Post to Courier, formed the motley mass;
Which with disdain before the Throne she throws,
And lights the Pile beneath thy princely nose.
(Weeps.)
Heavens, how it blazed!—I'd ask no livelier fire,
(With animation) To roast a Papist by, my gracious Sire!—
But ah! the Evidence—(weeps again) I mourned to see—
Cast as it burned, a deadly light on thee:
And Tales and Hints their random sparkles flung,
And hissed and crackled, like an old maid's tongue;
While Post and Courier, faithful to their fame,
Made up in stink for what they lackt in flame.
When, lo, ye Gods! the fire ascending brisker,
Now singes one now lights the other whisker.
Ah! where was then the Sylphid that unfurls
Her fairy standard in defence of curls?
Throne, Whiskers, Wig soon vanisht into smoke,
The watchman cried "Past One," and—I awoke.
Here his Lordship weeps more profusely than ever, and the Regents (who has been very much agitated during the recital of the Dream) by a movement as characteristic as that of Charles XII. when he was shot, claps his hands to his whiskers to feel if all be really safe. A Privy Council is held— all the Servants, etc. are examined, and it appears that a Tailor, who had come to measure the Regent for a Dress (which takes three whole pages of the best superfine clinquant in describing) was the only person who had been in the Bourbon Chamber during the day. It is, accordingly, determined to seize the Tailor, and the Council breaks up with a unanimous resolution to be vigorous.
The commencement of the Second Act turns chiefly upon the Trial and Imprisonment of two Brothers[4]—but as this forms the under plot of the Drama, I shall content myself with extracting from it the following speech, which is addressed to the two Brothers, as they "exeunt severally" to Prison:—