As for me, Dick—'tis whim, 'tis folly,
But this young niece absorbs me wholly.
'Tis true, the girl's a vile verse-maker—
Would rhyme all nature, if you'd let her;—
But even her oddities, plague take her,
But made me love her all the better.
Too true it is, she's bitten sadly
With this new rage for rhyming badly,
Which late hath seized all ranks and classes,
Down to that new Estate, "the masses ";
Till one pursuit all tastes combines—
One common railroad o'er Parnassus,
Where, sliding in those tuneful grooves,
Called couplets, all creation moves,
And the whole world runs mad in lines.
Add to all this—what's even still worse,
As rhyme itself, tho' still a curse,
Sounds better to a chinking purse—
Scarce sixpence hath my charmer got,
While I can muster just a groat;
So that, computing self and Venus,
Tenpence would clear the amount between us.
However, things may yet prove better:—
Meantime, what awful length of letter!
And how, while heaping thus with gibes
The Pegasus of modern scribes,
My own small hobby of farrago
Hath beat the pace at which even they go!
[1] "Our anxious desire is to be found on the side of the Lord."—Record Newspaper.
LETTER V.
FROM LARRY O'BRANIGAN, IN ENGLAND, TO HIS WIFE JUDY, AT MULLINAFAD.
Dear Judy, I sind you this bit of a letther,
By mail-coach conveyance—for want of a betther—
To tell you what luck in this world I have had
Since I left the sweet cabin, at Mullinafad.
Och, Judy, that night!—when the pig which we meant
To dry-nurse in the parlor, to pay off the rent,
Julianna, the craythur—that name was the death of her—[1]
Gave us the shlip and we saw the last breath of her!
And there were the childher, six innocent sowls,
For their nate little play-fellow turning up howls;
While yourself, my dear Judy (tho' grievin's a folly),
Stud over Julianna's remains, melancholy—
Cryin', half for the craythur and half for the money,
"Arrah, why did ye die till we'd sowled you, my honey?"
But God's will be done!—and then, faith, sure enough,
As the pig was desaiced, 'twas high time to be off.
So we gothered up all the poor duds we could catch,
Lock the owld cabin-door, put the kay in the thatch,
Then tuk laave of each other's sweet lips in the dark,
And set off, like the Chrishtians turned out of the Ark;
The six childher with you, my dear Judy, ochone!
And poor I wid myself, left condolin' alone.
How I came to this England, o'er say and o'er lands,
And what cruel hard walkin' I've had on my hands,
Is, at this present writin', too tadious to speak,
So I'll mintion it all in a postscript, next week:—
Only starved I was, surely, as thin as a lath,
Till I came to an up-and-down place they call Bath,
Where, as luck was, I managed to make a meal's meat,
By dhraggin' owld ladies all day thro' the street—
Which their docthors (who pocket, like fun, the pound starlins,)
Have brought into fashion to plase the owld darlins.
Divil a boy in all Bath, tho' I say it, could carry
The grannies up hill half so handy as Larry;
And the higher they lived, like owld crows, in the air,
The more I was wanted to lug them up there.
But luck has two handles, dear Judy, they say,
And mine has both handles put on the wrong way.
For, pondherin', one morn, on a drame I'd just had
Of yourself and the babbies, at Mullinafad,
Och, there came o'er my sinses so plasin' a flutther,
That I spilt an owld Countess right clane in the gutther,
Muff, feathers and all!—the descint was most awful,
And—what was still worse, faith—I knew'twas unlawful:
For, tho', with mere women, no very great evil,
'Tupset an owld Countess in Bath is the divil!
So, liftin' the chair, with herself safe upon it,
(for nothin' about her—was kilt, but her bonnet,)
Without even mentionin' "By your lave, ma'am,"
I tuk to my heels and—here, Judy, I am!
What's the name of this town I can't say very well,
But your heart sure will jump when you hear what befell
Your own beautiful Larry, the very first day,
(And a Sunday it was, shinin' out mighty gay,)
When his brogues to this city of luck found their way.
Bein' hungry, God help me and happenin' to stop,
Just to dine on the shmell of a pasthry-cook's shop,
I saw, in the window, a large printed paper.
And read there a name, och! that made my heart caper—
Though printed it was in some quare ABC,
That might bother a schoolmaster, let alone me.
By gor, you'd have laughed Judy, could you've but listened,
As, doubtin', I cried, "why is it!—no, it isn't:"
But it was, after all—for, by spellin' quite slow,
First I made out "Rev. Mortimer"—then a great "O";
And, at last, by hard readin' and rackin' my skull again,
Out it came, nate as imported, "O'Mulligan!"
Up I jumpt like a sky-lark, my jewel, at that name,—
Divil a doubt on my mind, but it must be the same
"Master Murthagh, himself," says I, "all the world over!
My own fosther-brother—by jinks, I'm in clover.
Tho' there, in the play-bill, he figures so grand,
One wet-nurse it was brought us both up by hand,
And he'll not let me shtarve in the inemy's land!"