“Fear, when guilt is the cause, is indeed shocking. My apprehensions of danger may magnify the evils by which I am likely soon to be overwhelmed. I have tried to pray, ‘but the Lord laughed at my calamity.’ I have tried to meet death with philosophic composure; but, shaken by the angry voice of an avenging God, and involved in chaos, what sinner can affect to be unmoved?
“Another wave of vast magnitude has broken over the vessel, which I thought had actually sunk her never to rise again;—she was certainly a long while ingulfed, and, as I thought, completely upset. The undaunted Master endeavoured to cheer us with a hope that, in the event of the vessel foundering, our lives might be saved by the boat; but in the last afflicting crush that resource was dashed to atoms, and the mainmast broken in two. The lightning serves to unveil that wretchedness which darkness had so kindly concealed, and the sight is absolutely indescribable:—every thing floating about and dashing in furious confusion. When the lightning bursts upon our view, it appears to rend the heavens, leaving in its stead a wide gaping gulf of boundless and unutterable gloom.
“The long-wished-for day begins at length to appear, and the horrible spectacle it unfolds defies all attempt at description. The fury of the wind is unabated; by its force alone, large bodies of the waves are torn off, and driven over the vessel like frightful cataracts, and in smaller quantities resembling a violent shower of snow, so completely obstructing vision, as to render it impossible to see any object distinctly at two yards distance.
“Towards 9 o’clock, the storm began to abate, and a moment’s pause was given to contemplate the wreck. It was now discovered that when the mainmast broke and fell on the deck, it bruised the intrepid Master to death. The sight of the body of this amiable man will have a place in my recollection for ever. The mast having fallen on his head, shattered the skull, several pieces of which were driven into the deck so firmly that they could not be removed; and several portions of his brain and hair were still sticking to the wood!
“Within a few feet of this fatal spot, the mangled remains of him who had been destroyed by lightning were rolling about by the violent motion of the vessel, and so dreadfully bruised that not a feature of the human being could be traced. His two unfortunate companions, who were struck at the same time, being unable to shift for themselves, were discovered drowned; the right side and thigh of one of them being literally burned to a cinder.”
In the foregoing narrative, the stinging reproaches of a guilty conscience appear to have been keenly felt, as is manfully acknowledged as well as beautifully expressed. I shall not trespass on the reader’s attention with a further detail of the miseries of this shipwreck. By means of a fishing-boat my friend landed at Leghorn, where he suffered from an attack of inflammation of the lungs, which again put his life in danger. Being little satisfied either with his attendant physicians or visitors, he was induced to embark in a small coasting vessel for Naples.
Of his adventures in this gay city the journal makes but scanty mention, though he seems to have entered freely into the dissipation of that enervated and most licentious court, and was twice engaged in duels. After four or five months spent or rather killed in this manner, his golden dreams and extravagancies were interrupted by the arrival of a special messenger with directions from his father to return forthwith; but without assigning any reason for an order so unexpected and peremptory: with the summons, however, he cheerfully complied, and in a few days afterwards embarked for England.
The winds were propitious, and the ship had a speedy passage; but the pleasure he had promised himself in visiting his native shores was greatly alloyed by the infirm state of health in which he found an uncle whom he affectionately esteemed, and by whom he had been adopted in early life. Having no family, this venerable old gentleman had promised from the beginning to make F. his heir, which pledge he was now desirous of redeeming. The regard he bore him was further shown by a desire to see him settled in the world before he himself should leave it.
There lived in the neighbourhood for upwards of forty years an old gentleman of exemplary piety and benevolence, who had two daughters, both highly accomplished. Brought up and educated in their father’s house, the uncle of F. was acquainted with their dispositions and behaviour from infancy, and was therefore well convinced that they both possessed every excellent quality that could contribute to a husband’s happiness, or ensure a blessing on single life.
With one of these it was his ardent wish to have his nephew united, and he candidly communicated to him the affair; but at the same time he assured him, that although this union would greatly tend to smooth his path to the grave, yet would he impose no restraint on his inclination: let his decision be what it might, no change should be made in his will. My friend was deeply penetrated with this noble behaviour of his uncle, and declared that it should be his study to prove himself not undeserving such disinterested friendship; and if, on further acquaintance, he did not find it utterly impossible to bestow his affections on either of the ladies, he would endeavour to make himself agreeable to one of them.