Tick. But think of the loss to your business if you should fall.
Topp. (Getting angry.) Mr. Spratt hasten the details, I am anxious to teach this young man a lesson. I suggest Blackberry Hill. There is no other such spot near Baltimore. (To Tick.) It is a beautiful spot.
Tick. I don’t doubt it.
Topp. There I had the pleasure of acting as second for the Hon. Kidwell Kroup in his great duel with Major Brocklestein. The major winged my man first fire, but it was a beautiful affair gentlemen, beautiful. A few years later, I had the pleasure—excuse me for being personal—of meeting there myself, Col. Hicksby Snodgrass, C. S. A. And the Colonel wears only one arm since that hour.
Tick. (Groans.) Very cheerful, indeed!
Topp. Delightful, I assure you. So choose your second and we’ll have the whole affair over before the authorities get wind of it.
Tick. I shall be delighted to hasten matters. (Whispers aside to Ginger.)
Topp. (To Spratt.) Now, my dear sir, I leave all to you. Use expedition. (To Gin.) Show the gentlemen out. (Exeunt Spratt and Tick, L.) Ah, well this may be serious after all. But it is only an incident and the true gentleman lives in an atmosphere of incidents. I’ll write her. Bless her little heart, honor demands that I do and dare for her like a knight of old. (Sits at table to write.) “My dear Miss Twiggs”—No, that is too formal—“My dear Angie”—how does that sound?—that’s a little familiar possibly for one day’s acquaintance. (Tears up sheet of paper with each change.) How about the my—well I guess I’m sure enough of the my. But “My dear Angie” is too long. I’ll try “Dear Angie.” That’s better, but why not make it stronger? Women feed on compliment and are taken by audacity in love. As old Horace advised I’ll plunge “in medias res.” So here goes: “Sweet Angie”—that’s better. But that is not enough. How very inadequate language is to portray all the delightful sensations of new born love. (Thinks.) “Sweet Angie—My Pet”—that’s the thing—“This will inform you that I cannot see you again to-day. A little affair” (Pause.) affair—I wonder if that will alarm her? No, women admire courage—“An affair of honor requires immediate attention. Shall see you soon. May I close with a kiss?”—that’s a little bold—“a sweet, sweet kiss?” There you are, that’ll please her. “Au revoir and a final sweety—sweety kiss.” You can’t put too much of the sweet business into an affair with a young lady. You must love them distractedly, or you’ll never please them. (Sighs.) How shall I sign it? Cadwalader Topp is too formal. I’ll risk it. It sounds more affectionate. “Caddie,” that used to be my pet name. While I’m about it I’ll just say “Your Caddie.” There you are! (Seals and addresses. Rings bell.)
Enter Gin. R.