The wise father looks after less important phases of his son’s education.—If his son decides to be a farmer, he tells him all he knows about farming and sends him to an agricultural college. If he decides to practice medicine, he tells him all he knows about medicine and sends him to a medical college. His interest in his son would lead him to follow this plan should he choose some other calling or profession. Compared to the education, training and development of a boy in relation to the teaching of purity and sex truths, all other training pales into insignificance. The boy can just as easily become a successful farmer without a knowledge of agriculture, horticulture and stock-raising; he can as easily become a successful physician without a knowledge of medicine; he can as easily become a successful lawyer without a knowledge of laws, as he can develop into a pure, virile manhood without a correct knowledge of his sex nature. Since half truths are often more injurious than ignorance, and since the enfolding sex life of a boy demands information, and since he will get this information true or false, it logically follows that correct sex education is the only safe method to be followed in the complete education of the boy.
The father who holds to unethical ideals.—The father who holds to or practices the double standard of morals is not qualified to teach these truths to his son. If he believes that it is a smaller sin for his son to be immoral than for his daughter; if he believes in the “sex necessity lie” for his son and absolute virginity for his daughter; if he uses vulgar words or indulges in lascivious stories, he is disqualified for this sacred duty of a father. Recently I lectured in a town of several thousand inhabitants where the mayor boasted of taking his seventeen-year-old son to St. Louis and introducing him to an immoral life. Such a father’s influence on his own son is a withering, paralyzing, blighting curse. The sons of such beastly sires are to be pitied.
The model father.—I assume that I am now addressing a model father, one who, at least, desires to be a worthy example and a wise teacher and trainer of his son. The model father should not only be pure in outward life, but he should regard the organs of sex and their functions as pure and sacred, he should possess a fair knowledge of sex and be able to use only pure language in his confidential talks with his son. I am fully aware that very few fathers have had an opportunity to hear a series of lectures or to read a good book on these lines that would help them perform this duty. The mission of this book is to aid and inspire every sincere father in his duty of supplying his son with these truths.
How to proceed.—This is not a difficult problem to the young father who is fairly well informed and who has strong convictions of his duty. He can start with his son, as soon as he asks about his origin, and tell him the stories of life, six months or a year apart, and continue to give him such information as his developing boyhood and manhood demand. But to the uninformed father, out in middle life, aroused for the first time to the great need of this teaching and to his personal responsibility to his boys ranging from five to twenty years old, this is not an easy problem. In this case I would suggest that, if possible, he should avail himself of hearing a good course of lectures, and buy for himself a practical and complete book on sex for himself and smaller books adapted to the age and sex of his children. If he has a boy from five to eight years old, begin by telling him the story of how plants are brought into the world. If he has a boy ten to fifteen, I would advise that he put in his hands a book containing stories of life from plants to man and encourage him to read it. If there is real companionship between the father and son, a better plan would be for them to read the book together and talk with each other. When this is done and a few days have passed the father should give him a book containing such information as a boy from ten to fourteen should know. And if proper companionship exists, they should read this book and talk over its revelations together. When this is done the boy should be encouraged to talk over any personal problem he may have. It would be well for the father to inquire of his son, if he has any irritation or soreness in his sexual organs, if the prepuce is capable of passing back and if the frenulum is too short. The boy should understand that he will be welcomed at any time to return with his problems and to ask for information.
If he has a boy over fifteen he should be presented with a book that covers the problems of a young man. If there is a companionable relation between the father and his son, it would be well for them to read and talk over the revelations of this book. The son should be encouraged to ask questions and to talk about his personal problems.
When should a boy be informed of the secret sin?—In no case should this be postponed until a boy is twelve. Out of one thousand of the young men who have read “Perfect Manhood” and in that way were lead to write me about their troubles not one in twenty-five learned the habit after he was twelve, many commenced when they were eight and ten, a few when five and six, one stating that so far as he knew he was born practicing the vice.
Lecturing to nearly one hundred thousand young men a year and having several thousand a year to interview me, in this way the conclusion from my correspondence is confirmed. When a boy is fourteen he should be given a more complete talk on the nature and effects of the secret sin. If he is found to be guilty he should be induced to break off. If his sexual desire is due to a tight prepuce, this should be treated by the family physician. If due to a tight frenulum, this requires the attention of a doctor. As a rule his sexual excitement grows out of a mind that has been filled with lascivious thoughts from some schoolmate or servant. This can be corrected by satisfying the boy’s morbid curiosity with the truth and a faithful warning of the dangers of this vice.
Fathers should not be suspicious but watchful.—A wise father will have a frank, positive understanding with every servant in the home and employee on the farm, or in his business, that he is not to encourage vice by vulgar conversation, vicious practice, or by presenting the child with a vile book or showing him a lude picture. Keep an eye on the little visitors—and the big ones too. There are in circulation some most inconceivable immoral books that teach children every phase of sex perversion. I recently secured such a book and it was estimated by the school board that two hundred or more boys from twelve to sixteen had read it. Only a few months ago the president of a female college living in the girls’ dormitory told me of how one of the college girls had introduced his three-year-old boy to the vice. About the same time and in the same State, an editor said to me, “Professor, you don’t realize the temptations to which the small Southern boy is exposed in his relation to the colored help about the home.” A wise father will be on the guard from the time his boy has quit the cradle until he has passed safely through the stormy period of adolescence.
CHAPTER XXI
FATHER’S FIRST TALK—BOYS MAKE MEN
Trees are grown-up sprouts; dogs are grown-up pups; horses are grown-up colts; and men are grown-up boys. A crooked, scarred sprout will produce an ugly, useless tree; a starved, neglected and abused pup will grow up to be a cowardly or vicious dog; a spoiled colt will make a vicious horse; boys who are not trained to work, study and be moral will grow up to be lazy, stupid and bad.