“Skelton was an Englysheman borne as Skogyn was, and hee was educated and broughte up in Oxfoorde, and there was he made a poete lauriat. And on a tyme he had ben at Abbington to make mery, wher that he had eate salte meates, and hee did com late home to Oxforde, and he did lye in an ine named the Tabere, whyche is now the Angell, and hee dyd drynke, and went to bed. About midnight he was so thyrstie or drye that he was constrained to call to the tapster for drynke, and the tapster harde him not. Then hee cryed to hys oste and hys ostes, and to the ostler, for drinke, and no man would here hym. Alacke, sayd Skelton, I shall peryshe for lacke of drynke! What reamedye? At the last he dyd crie out and sayd, Fyer, fyer, fyer! When Skelton hard every man bustle hymselfe upward, and some of them were naked, and some were halfe asleepe and amased, and Skelton dyd crye, Fier, fier! styll, that everye man knewe not whether to resorte. Skelton did go to bed, and the oste and ostis, and the tapster, with the ostler, dyd runne to Skeltons chamber with candles lyghted in theyr handes, saying, Where, where, where is the fyer? Here, here, here, said Skelton, and poynted hys fynger to hys mouth, saying, Fetch me some drynke to quenche the fyer and the heate and the drinesse in my mouthe. And so they dyd.”
Another of these “Merye Tales” of Skelton contains a satire upon the practice which prevailed in the sixteenth and early part of the seventeenth centuries of obtaining letters-patent of monopoly from the crown, and also on the bibulous propensities of Welshmen—
“How the Welshman dyd desyre Skelton to ayde hym in hys sute to the kynge for a patent to sell drynke.
“Skelton, when he was in London, went to the kynges courte, where there did come to hym a Welshman, saying, Syr, it is so, that manye dooth come upp of my country to the kynges court, and some doth get of the kyng by patent a castell, and some a parke, and some a forest, and some one fee and some another, and they dooe lyve lyke honest men; and I shoulde lyve as honestly as the best, if I myght have a patyne for good dryncke, wherefore I dooe praye yow to write a fewe woords for mee in a lytle byll to geve the same to the kynges handes, and I wil geve you well for your laboure. I am contented, sayde Skelton. Syt downe then, sayde the Welshman, and write. What shall I wryte? sayde Skelton. The Welshman sayde wryte dryncke. Nowe, sayde the Welshman, write more dryncke. What now? sayde Skelton. Wryte nowe, a great deale of dryncke. Nowe, sayd the Welshman, putte to all thys dryncke a littell crome of breade, and a great deale of drynke to it, and reade once agayne. Skelton dyd reade, Dryncke, more dryncke, and a great deale of dryncke, and a lytle crome of breade, and a great deale of dryncke to it. Than the Welshman sayde, Put oute the litle crome of breade, and sette in, all dryncke and no breade. And if I myght have thys sygned of the kynge, sayde the Welshman, I care for no more, as longe as I dooe lyve. Well then, sayde Skelton, when you have thys signed of the kyng, then wyll I labour for a patent to have bread, that you wyth your drynke and I with the bread may fare well, and seeke our livinge with bagge and staffe.”
These two tales are rather favourable specimens of the collection published under the name of Skelton, which, as far as we know, was first printed about the middle of the sixteenth century. The collection of the jests of Scogan, or, as he was popularly called, Scogin, which is said to have been compiled by Andrew Borde, was probably given to the world a few years before, but no copies of the earlier editions are now known to exist. Scogan, the hero of these jests, is described as occupying at the court of Henry VII. a position not much different from that of an ordinary court-fool. Good old Holinshed the chronicler says of him, perhaps a little too gently, that he was “a learned gentleman and student for a time in Oxford, of a pleasant wit, and bent to merrie devices, in respect whereof he was called into the court, where, giving himselfe to his naturall inclination of mirth and pleasant pastime, he plaied manie sporting parts, although not in such uncivil manner as hath beene of him reported.” This allusion refers most probably to the jests, which represent him as leading a life of low and coarse buffoonery, in the course of which he displayed a considerable share of the dishonest and mischievous qualities of the less real Eulenspiegel. He is even represented as personally insulting the king and queen, and as being consequently banished over the Channel, to show no more respect to the majesty of the king of France. Scogin’s jests, like Skelton’s, consist in a great measure of those practical jokes which appear in all former ages to have been the delight of the Teutonic race. Many of them are directed against the ignorance and worldliness of the clergy. Scogin is described as being at one time himself a teacher in the university, and on one occasion, we are told, a husbandman sent his son to school to him that he might be made a priest. The whole story, which runs through several chapters, is an excellent caricature on the way in which men vulgarly ignorant were intruded into the priesthood before the Reformation. At length, after much blundering, the scholar came to be ordained, and his examination is reported as follows:—
“How the scholler said Tom Miller of Oseney was Jacob’s father.
“After this, the said scholler did come to the next orders, and brought a present to the ordinary from Scogin, but the scholler’s father paid for all. Then said the ordinary to the scholler, I must needes oppose you, and for master Scogin’s sake, I will oppose you in a light matter. Isaac had two sons, Esau and Jacob. Who was Jacob’s father? The scholler stood still, and could not tell. Well, said the ordinary, I cannot admit you to be priest untill the next orders, and then bring me an answer. The scholler went home with a heavy heart, bearing a letter to master Scogin, how his scholler could not answer to this question: Isaac had two sons, Esau and Jacob; who was Jacob’s father? Scogin said to his scholler, Thou foole and asse-head! Dost thou not know Tom Miller of Oseney? Yes, said the scholler! Then, said Scogin, thou knowest he had two sonnes, Tom and Jacke; who is Jacke’s father? The scholler said, Tom Miller. Why, said Scogin, thou mightest have said that Isaac was Jacob’s father. Then said Scogin, Thou shalt arise betime in the morning, and carry a letter to the ordinary, and I trust he will admit thee before the orders shall be given. The scholler rose up betime in the morning, and carried the letter to the ordinary. The ordinary said, For Master Scogin’s sake I will oppose you no farther than I did yesterday. Isaac had two sons, Esau and Jacob; who was Jacob’s father? Marry, said the scholler, I can tell you now that was Tom Miller of Oseney. Goe, foole, goe, said the ordinary, and let thy master send thee no more to me for orders, for it is impossible to make a foole a wise man.”
Scogin’s scholar was, however, made a priest, and some of the stories which follow describe the ludicrous manner in which he exercised the priesthood. Two other stories illustrate Scogin’s supposed position at court:—
“How Scogin told those that mocked him that he had a wall-eye.
“Scogin went up and down in the king’s hall, and his hosen hung downe, and his coat stood awry, and his hat stood a boonjour, so every man did mocke Scogin. Some said he was a proper man, and did wear his rayment cleanly; some said the foole could not put on his owne rayment; some said one thing, and some said another. At last Scogin said, Masters, you have praised me wel, but you did not espy one thing in me. What is that, Tom? said the men. Marry, said Scogin, I have a wall-eye. What meanest thou by that? said the men. Marry, said Scogin, I have spyed a sort of knaves that doe mocke me, and are worse fooles themselves.”