"'Yes!' I replied; 'but, John, give us your hand-on that point we may honestly embrace, and declare ourselves now even two. You are as modest as an archbishop on salary day, and seldom openly embrace territory; we prefer the frank style in all our adoptions. Let us not quarrel over that—you love freedom, we love free government. Our political thoughts are moulded in one die, though self-interest may vary them. To be mutually just toward each other, to live on terms of friendship, and preserve that amity which is our bulwark, serves well that unity of great principles which conserves and preserves our happiness. Yea! cursed be the hand, and stagnate the breath raised against that peace and good-will which saves us from the monster of war.' Here I grasped firmly and earnestly John's hand, and would fain he forgot the past and thought only of the future. Looking down, 'that is New Mexico,' said I, 'a small corner we just hooked on to our large establishment; we let all these little ones come into the same nursery, where a generous mother watches their wants and provides for them as circumstances demand. You, John, treat your colonial babies with singularly cold diet; in fact, you often permit them to become stunted and ill-tempered for want of proper care in the home nursery. You see, Texas was well nursed, and now her territory is fast filling up with the hardy sons and daughters of your land; but, would they become new beings, and enjoy equal rights and equal privileges, they must divest themselves of those servilities which in your country one class unfortunately endeavors to enforce upon the other.' John bowed, but gave no further heed. Presently we came to the Mormon settlement, and here he set to chaffing me about equal privileges. 'We always had inconsistencies in our social system,' he said; 'just see how many wives these Mormons have got, and what a nice thing they are making of equal rights. You beat us there, Smooth; we Englishmen would never think of such sort of thing.' John looked very innocent and honest, which, added to his dignity so naturally put on, was enough to make one's face square up into a broad smile.
"'Permit me, John,' returned I: 'we tend well the great things; this Mormon evil will work its own remedy! Westward the wave of empire rolls on; that's the word we speak as the world looks on, grudgingly acknowledging its truth. We nurture small things that they may become great; we make men feel themselves living equals, not inferiors; we put the lowly emigrant in moral progress, and from his mental improvement reap the good harvest for all. By sinking from men's minds that which tells them they are inferior, we gain greatness to our nation. Simon Bendigo is made to feel that he is just as good as Blackwood Broadway; and Blackwood is made sensible of the fact that he is no better in the body politic than any other man.'
"'Now, Smooth, just let me interrupt you in your train of Yankee logic,' said Littlejohn; 'the safer a man feels his position the better is it for the nation; but the policy of equality in men, though it might do for your young place, never would do for ours. Age and its attendant glories demand different rules of guidance for society. All your fancy articles of freedom, equality, and dignity among common people become doubtful, when subjected to long practice. Our people, sir—take my word, not unworthily—are above considering such degrading innovations; their grades of society are a sacred protection.'
"'Ah! those are English opinions, iron-bound. Your social institution is a perfect curiosity shop, where everything old may be stored away unmolested, but upon which the man of plain sense looks distrustfully, while sycophants waste contemplation in devising means for its preservation. How few estimate the cost to a nation of maintaining those ancient inconsistencies so preserved by governments of the old world!'
"'Never mind that, Mr. Smooth; these things are our own, and on us will the evil recoil. Be not so earnest in condemning us, for the same sins you lay at our door are fast developing themselves in your would-be fashionable society! Your society is fashionable without being refined. Your aristocracy is a base imitation of our snobby, revelling in the heartless hording of gold, and vaunting of bad English.' John looked down ere he finished, and seemed taking a bird's-eye view of the great Utah territory. The Great Salt Lake I assured him was where the venerable navigator Noah discharged his ballast of salt bags. As for the settlers on its borders, they were the followers of Joe Smith, a veritable descendant of Ham, who never was known for the good he did. That clever mouthpiece of English opinion, the Times, says they will one day confuse and cause much trouble to the people of the United States; but this is only the offspring of that one strong idea so characteristic of Mr. John Bull. Now these descendants of the veritable Smith have a fantastic appreciation of many wives—a strange delusion in which there cannot be much happiness; but beyond this they are a very harmless people, who, beyond the sin of having many wives (and if this be a sin, it may be found at many a cleaner door!), may be excused from much they do.
"'One word, if you please, Mr. Smooth!' suddenly interrupted John Littlejohn,—'it is in that the dangerous element of your Yankee nature exists. Once beyond the neutralizing sphere of public opinion, you go in for all sorts of vagaries, the more inconsistent with strict order the better.' This crimination was certainly as fast as out of place; John was, indeed, too ready to censure us without a forethought. We had given these deluded creatures a home in our land; we had received them as citizens, though most of them were subjects of that land of freedom where the chains fall to give place to flunkeyism; we had protected them in their wilderness home—should we not be generous, and forgive their errors rather than punish or provoke the delusion? Preferring more than one wife is not originally American: on that score Uncle John cannot shake clean the skirts of his garment, nor proclaim his virtue as white as snow. Ere this conversation ended we had arrived over California. Standing up I gave three long and strong cheers that astonished and awoke John from the moody reflections into which he had fallen. There the great El Dorado spread out in golden plains, teeming their rich treasures into Uncle Sam's apron. Then, all bright and full of busy life, rose San Francisco, the stars and stripes waving gracefully from a thousand temples. A thousand ships, like monsters sleeping, rode on the calm bosom of her waters;—a busy throng of merchants filled her broad avenues; while houseless, anxious, and never-despairing mortals, like swine at large, rooted her broad plains for gold. A country, by the aid of that Anglo-Saxon energy which carries liberty and civilization into the remotest corners of the world had risen, like a young giant, from a wilderness to a flourishing State. Already was it a world of industry, every man working for the main chance. John could not suppress an expression of gratification,—the sight was bright of promise; but, he added, he much feared his countrymen would view it with a jealous eye, inasmuch as it might become a means of deranging their beautiful organization of very fashionable society. We were made up of an indescribable compound of common people and shopkeepers, he added, shrugging his shoulders and changing slightly his position. He forgot that the absence of two of the greatest evils a nation groans under had brought its blessings on our land,—Mr. Smooth refers to pauper lords, and lords who make paupers. Great men there sprung from the commonest ranks to take the best care of the nation. They discarded the expensive nonsense of maintaining dignity which polluted independence: they respect the poor man's rights and brighten his prospects; they seek to promote the good of all and fear not the few!
"Smooth, in humble solicitude for the reader's feelings, begs he will join him again while proceeding on his course. Proceeding at a rapid rate we had well nigh lost sight of the El Dorado, when John made a significant motion, which, being translated, meant that he would like to take another glass of hot punch. To this proposition I readily consented; after which we lighted two real Havanas, and rolled on as resolute as a flying Dutchman. It was with some effort that John curbed his natural feelings. The punch, being placed in the right place, seemed to create new thoughts. 'Queer fellows you are!' says he, to talk of freedom and equal rights. 'Why, you have got a human property market open, and more than three millions of souls up for a bid. Mark my word, Mr. Smooth, the voice of sorrow for your human commerce will yet shake the stability of your country. When slavery drives this country to sectional issues; when it corrupts the federal power; when it serves the ambition of those who would drag us into foreign broils; when patriotic men, North and South, ceased to come forward for the safety of a confederation, then will sectionalism wage its angry wars against a noble edifice, whose foundation history tells us must totter under the siege of strife.'